Assam Day

I am Assamese. Or rather, my parents are from the region of Assam, in the far nort-east of India. So I suppose that makes me a second generation British Assamese. Or something.

Anyway, every year, the Assamese community of the UK get together and do stuff, usually on the August Bank Holiday weekend. Sometimes I go, sometimes I don't. This year, I went, buoyed by the fact that our friend Julie wanted me and Nicola to go. Nicola had not attended anything like this before, and it gave her a good opportunity to go out and buy some new, ethnic clothing!

Last time I went (two years ago), I got up on stage and played a couple of songs to the assembled crowd (BaRabica were still going then, so I played acoustic versions of a couple of our songs). It was in stark contrast to most of the rest of the entertainment, which had a distinctly Assamese flaour.

This time around, my contribution was still very much more Anglicised than the others. I played an acoustic version of "Oh my god" by Kaiser Chiefs, and followed it with a new song, as yet unnamed, but written especially for the event. I got a decent response, lots of (metaphorical) Aunties and Uncles saying how much they enjoyed it, and wasn't it great to have something different as part of the entertainment.

Over the last few years, my Dad has usually organised something for the Sunday morning - for the last two or three years, it has been a light-hearted debate (e.g. "This house believes that the Assamese male has much in common with a single-horned rhino"), but this year, Dad and Julie decided on something different. And so Dad introduced the first ever Assam Day Pub Quiz Music Round. There was a mix of English, Hindi and Assamese music, and the whole thing was introduced by Julie and myself. We got really good feedback - when you have such a diverse range of ages and interests in the room, it takes some effort to engage everyone - well done, Dad!

I had a fun time, Nicola enjoyed the dressing up and even participated in some Assamese dancing! However, the weekend will be remembered for the "love" affair between 3 year old Luke and 2 year old Orla. During the pre-dinner speeches, Luke and Orla ran across the dining room (in full view of everyone), before locking into a passionate toddler-embrace. Afterwards, Luke apparently said he liked Orla because she is "pretty". The affair was over shortly afterwards as Orla started running around with the other kids instead. Love can be cruel...

Obsessive moggy

Did you know that cats can also get OCD? Click here to watch.

As for the picture below, this has prompted several of my colleagues to suggest adopting a panda:

How to maintain your sanity while off work

So, as I said, I am back at work. Getting up this morning was a bit of a trial, driving to work under leaden skies and heavy rain was a reminder that it was Monday morning, it took me a while to properly wake up once I got to work. A medicinal cup of tea at around 10.30 (thanks Nigel) helped a lot.

I am waiting for the results of blood tests just to check that there is nothing sinister going on with my body, but the GP just reckons that, as it was a particularly nasty bout of tonsilitis, my body needed longer than usual to recover.

Friday and Saturday saw me feeling a little more human again, so I was able to get up and do stuff. On Sunday, Sandeep came around and we watched "Run Lola Run" on video, which was an excellent film.

To be honest, I am glad to be back at work. Mainly because, the fitter I get, the more restless I become, and I was starting to get bored at home. There is always something that needs doing (over the weekend I have done some grouting in the bathroom, changed my windscreen wiper rubber in preparation for MOT, but the weather prevented me from mowing the lawn), but obviously, until the last couple of days I have not been well enough to do them. However, I like watching "Homes under the hammer", and have seen a few episodes of "Quincy" which I had not seen before. I am slightly concerned about my recent propensity to watch "Ready Steady Cook" however...

Anyway, must dash, my lunchbreak is over, but more pertinently, I am getting worried as a wasp has just flown into the office!

The serious bit

I am now back at work after almost three weeks off sick. Whilst trawling through my inbox, I found a couple of emails of interest. One was saying that I am going on a First Aid course in October - this is good news, as although I have often cared for Nicola after she has had an epileptic fit, I don't have any formal medical training.

The other one was a forward, and although I have never personally had to deal with a stroke, it doens't hurt to know how as you never know what is around the corner:

A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke...totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.

RECOGNIZING A STROKE
Remember the "3" steps, STR . Read and Learn! Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.
Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:

S * Ask the individual to SMILE .
T * Ask the person to TALK to SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently) (eg "It is sunny out today").
R * Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS .

NOTE : Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out their tongue. If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other that is also an indication of a stroke. If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

Topical humour

A bit late, as the airport chaos dies down slightly (or at least, it doesn't make the news as much). Click to enlarge:

Things to do when you're poorly

Being ill is boring. Luckily I like cookery and house-selling programmes, otherwise I would be bored stiff.

I am off work at least until Wednesday. The reason for my illness is a little bit of a mystery. Obviously, I had tonsilitis, but that has cleared up. The most obvious hypothesis is that the penicillin has taken it's toll on my system and led to the chronic fatigue from which I have been suffering for the past couple of weeks.

I can only cope with a couple of hours' activity per day. Managed to make it to the cinema last week, saw "Atomised", which is hardly a film to cheer you up. As you would expect, it is not as good as the book, especially the portrayal of Michael's personality (and they have completely changed the ending). Also (finally) watched "The Party", which Mohan had lent me on DVD. Brilliant film, although the last third is vaguely absurd and weaker than the previous part of the film...

By the way, the BaRabica site has been changed slightly to make it easier to access the BaRabica MySpace site. If I am still off poorly, I will probably make some more changes (the joys of laptops with wireless networks meaning that I can do web stuff whilst in bed - which is what I am doing at the moment). So I suppose it is a case of "watch this space"...

More music...

After Gary's comments about The Zutons, saying that the new album is more of the same (which I don't disagree with), I would like to make a similar claim about the Scissor Sisters' new single. With the caveat that it reminded me a little of Leo Sayer's "You make me feel like dancing".

With regard to the Lily Allen issue, I repeat: I don't mind the music, it is her singing and lyrics that I am less enamoured with. Sounds like a self-proclaimed "sassy" sixth former who was given credit for her poetry in English GCSE, and has decided to run with it.

Sandeep said that he likes all the bands/songs that I criticised. It really is a thankless task doing this you know. It is impossible to express an opinion without coming across like a bitter old goat. There is that saying about how music journos only fall into that line of work because their careers as musicians failed. Obviously I am already falling into that category...

Latest football report

Although I am still poorly, I managed to go to the Forest v Bradford match on Saturday. I have also been to work yesterday and today, and frankly, it is almost killing me!

The BBC Nottingham web team asked me to write a report on Saturday's opening match, and you can read it by clicking here.

Careers-related humour

Having said that not much work gets done (not true by the way, don't be fooled by our languid and laid-back style!), here is some humour that is wonderfully related to my chosen profession within a university Careers Service:

Picture gags

Obviously, nobody does any work in our office...

More funnies

And there's more - these ones came from the US, if it is any guide...

Analogies & Metaphors

Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners.....

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph - the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

A cautionary tale

Returned to work this morning after a week off poorly, and this was one of the many things in my inbox (with apologies to Scousers):

After having their 11th child, a Liverpool couple decided that was enough. As the social wouldn't buy them a bigger bed and they weren't strong enough to nick one, the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a firework, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Scouser said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused, placed the beer can
between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand...

This procedure also works in Birmingham , parts of Essex , Sunderland, Aberdeen and anywhere in Wales ..............

Poorly

Went to Center Parcs last weekend, for Dad's 60th birthday. The whole clan went, Mum and Dad, Baz and his wife and children, and of course Nicola and myself.

I had never been before, and apart from the prices, I was quite impressed. Unfortunately, I didn't really get to enjoy most of the activities on offer as I had been struck down by another bout of tonsilitis (I think this is my sixth attack in about a year). So, while Mum and Dad went walking, and the kids went swimming, I spent most of my time in bed. Shame.

Also, the journey back on Monday almost killed me. Having not eaten properly all weekend, I was pretty weak, but had to contend with a 185 mile journey home in order to get Nicola back in time for a hospital appointment (did I mention that we went to Center Parcs in Cumbria?).

Still poorly and bed-bound at the time of writing - tonsils feeling better but energy levels very low. Doctor has just advised me to get more rest - am getting bored now!