"Mistletoe ... can lead to unexpected pregnancy"

Season's greetings! Here are some Health and Safety tips to help you enjoy your Christmas.

Now time for an advent calendar - I am sure many of you can relate to this:

Also, proof that turkeys do not vote for Christmas:

Before I go, just a quick request for you to listen to Richard Bacon, sitting in for Matthew Bannister, next Wednesday, 27th December, at around 10am, as I will be appearing on there as part of a discussion about neighbours (the people who live nearby, not the soap opera). Tune to Radio Five Live, 909 and 693 MW, or on the Internet via the BBC Radio Radio Player (you will also be able to listen again for a week afterwards).

No guarantees that I will be blogging again before Christmas, so I would like to wish all my readers (all three of you!) a very Merry one and a Happy New Year.

Parking in supermarket car parks

I don't like my car getting dented by people who park to close in narrow car park spaces, open their doors and batter my car in the process.

However, I am even less fond of those who park in disabled spaces or parent and child spaces when they are able-bodied and childless. So someone came up with this, to stick to the windscreen of anyone who is suspected of using a disabled space when they shouldn't.

Funny how many of the people who struggle to park are those driving 4x4s. I almost got battered into submission in Sainsbury's car park by a woman driving a 4x4 pick-up truck. She came hurtling around the corner, and almost scraped the corner of my car off. Rather than apologising, she patiently waited for me to reverse slightly to let her through, which she proceeded to do without even a thank you.

Why the bloody hell do you need a 4x4 pick-up if you live in Beeston?

Advice for car owners

This was forwarded around work today. I have no idea if it is true or not but I like to think of myself as a public service broadcaster...

UPDATE (20/12/06): Apparently this is a hoax!

Be aware of new car-jacking scheme.

You walk across the car park, unlock your car and get inside. Then you lock all your doors, start the engine and shift or put into reverse.

You look into the rear-view mirror to back out of your parking space and you notice a piece of paper stuck to the middle of the rear window.

So, you shift the gear stick back into park or neutral, unlock your doors and jump out of your car to remove that paper or whatever it is
that is obstructing your view. When you reach the back of your car that is when the car-jackers appear out of nowhere, jump into your car and take off!!

Your engine was running, you would have left your purse in the car and they practically mow you down as they speed off in your car.

BE AWARE OF THIS NEW SCHEME THAT IS NOW BEING USED IN LONDON/MANCHESTER MAKING ITS WAY ACROSS THE COUNTRY!!!!!!!!

Just drive away and remove the paper later! It is stuck to your window and be thankful that you read this email.

I hope you will forward this to friends and family especially to women! A purse contains all identification, and you certainly do NOT
want someone getting your home address. They already HAVE your keys!!!

JUST BE AWARE AND TAKE CARE IT WILL PROBABLY SOON ARRIVE IN YOUR AREA

Like pulling teeth

If you want a stress-free life, just do not bother getting involved with the housing market. I am currently trying to rent out my house, this is after several months of the house being on the sales market (recently aborted).

The only conclusions I have come up with are:

- Renting is easier than buying, and although you don't have the assets to show for it, it is cheaper

- Estate agents are lazy, and very possibly liars

- Some days I wish I had never bought a house at all

Anyway, this explains my rather prolonged absence from the blogosphere, and accounts for the fact that I have nothing interesting to say at the moment...