The old ones are the best...

Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned Bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from Birth.

One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.

"Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."

It's quite ok," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is as yours. I too have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are so at least you'll have that going for you."

"Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur, you have really long ears, your nose twitches, and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit."

"Oh, thank you, thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me."

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're smooth and slippery and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls.....

I'd say you must be a team leader, supervisor or possibly someone in senior management."

Nottingham Forest: Frustration...

My latest article on the BBC site can be accessed via the blog: Nottingham Forest: Frustration in the nation. Or you can access it directly by clicking here.

Moanin' Old Git part 3

No letter this time - I have written to complain but the letter would bore you.

Tiscali are my Internet provider in my new house. Our broadband provision started on the 19th January and ceased on the 13th February. I didn't ask for it to end, it just stopped working without warning.

So I rang Technical Support to find out why it wasn't working (after running all the usual diagnostics on my software and hardware, of course). They told me that the reason my Internet wasn't working was because it had been cancelled. "Why?" I asked. "You will have to speak to Billing to find out", they replied.

Billing were able to tell me that there was a note on the account to say "Internet cancelled as requested on the 13th February". It seems as though the previous tenant (who had left on the 6th January) had made this request. When I asked what we could do to rectify the situation, I was told to speak to Cancellations. Cancellations would not be open again until Monday morning.

On Monday morning, I spoke to Cancellations, who told me that the cancellation request was irreversible. I pointed out that I hadn't even made the request. It doesn't matter, it is still cancelled and we cannot re-establish your service as it takes 10-15 days to remove tags from your phone line, which must be done before we can re-connect.

I never yell at people on phone lines. I used to do customer service work, and know that it is not fair on the person on the other end, and only makes them more determined that you won't get what you are yelling for (or maybe that was just me). I did raise my voice in a very controlled way though, because this is a breach of Data Protection principles - someone else who does not have authority over my account has made a request which has been imposed without my knowledge. However, after half-heartedly offering one month free after my service has been re-established, he just said "There is nothing more I can do".

Then I asked if I am paying for my non-existent Internet service. "You will have to speak to Billing", I was told. Luckily, this time I got through to someone who was actually willing to help, was sympathetic and willing to take ownership of the problem. She agreed that it was ridiculous that the two accounts had been allowed to overlap, but also explained why I would still have to wait for the tags to be removed from the phone line before we could get Internet re-established. I pointed out to her (as I had done to everyone else) that both I and my other half need Internet at home as we both do some work from home, and she therefore not only suggested writing in to complain, but gave me the name of the Senior Complaints Officer!

So I have no Internet at home for at least two more weeks, which is a real bummer, as both Nicola and I are trying to write websites to use for work purposes (I can't really do that from the office, it would not look professional at all). Again, I suppose it is a case of watch this space, their response had better be good...

Moanin' Old Git part 2

I would have written this letter about two or three weeks ago, but was kind of busy moving house...



Jane Roberts
Team Manager
AXA PPP Healthcare
Liverpool


19 February 2007


Dear Ms Roberts,

RE: Policy no **********

I am writing with regard to my letter of the 26th December 2006.

You may recall that in my letter I outlined my reasons for wanting to make a complaint regarding the manner in which your sales representative Laura, agent ID CR**1, signed my partner Nicola for a “Cashback” policy.

It has now been over 28 working days since I wrote to you and I am still waiting upon a response. I know that my original letter has been received because when we phoned to confirm that the policy had been cancelled, we were assured that this was the case.

I am slightly disappointed that you did not see fit to acknowledge the original letter. However, I would hope that you have now had a chance to investigate this matter, and I would appreciate an update on my complaint.

I look forward to hearing from you regarding this issue.


Yours sincerely etc etc,


Let's see if they bother to reply this time...

Moanin' Old Git part 1

A few details have been amended for privacy...


Jane Roberts
Team Manager
AXA PPP Healthcare
Liverpool


23rd December 2006

Dear Ms Roberts,

RE: Policy no ***********

I am writing with regard to the above policy, in the name of my partner, Nicola; we would like to exercise Nicola’s right to cancel in accordance with the fourteen day “cooling-off” period.

I would also like to bring the following issues to your attention:

· Nicola has chronic and incurable epilepsy – she made this clear to the field representative who obtained her signature. Her illness means that she is unable to work and has no regular income.

· Nicola is already a member of a private healthcare plan – again, she made this quite clear at the time.

· Unbelievably, when Nicola was searching for details so that the representative could complete the paperwork, the field representative asked “if you can’t find your bank details, can’t you just ring your boyfriend or your Dad to get them?”

I spent some time working for a direct marketing company in north London, investigating complaints such as these. I am sure you would agree that it does not reflect well upon AXA PPP Healthcare if your representatives are signing up vulnerable members of society who are already part of a healthcare plan, and do not have the means to pay their premium; that is without mentioning the sheer audacity of suggesting that Nicola should ring somebody to obtain her bank details.

In light of the above, I would hope that you would cancel this arrangement, and investigate the matter – the field representative was Laura, agent ID CR**1. Laura approached Nicola in Somerfield in Beeston, Nottingham – I do not know exactly when as Laura has failed to date the “CashBack Contract”.

I look forward to hearing from you regarding this issue.

Yours sincerely etc etc,

Snow

I have seen, heard and read various things about how people think the media over-reacted to the snow which we had about ten days ago.

Well, I beg to differ. In 2003, when there was severe weather causing London and much of the South-East to come to a standstill, the media were accused of being London-centric. I lived in London at the time, and I can assure you that there were vast sheets of ice on the road, and it was impossible to drive around, and difficult to walk around (I remember picking an old man off the ice - he wasn't unsteady on his feet, it was just difficult to stay on them!). So in my eyes, it was worth reporting, as the bad weather made a major city stand still.

Looking at BBC message boards and blogs, it seems that many people are saying, "it wasn't so bad", or alternatively, "we've got six inches up here in Scotland, our kids are still at school and we're not complaining". Well, I feel justified in issuing the following responses:

- Here in the West Midlands, it was that bad. Again, sheet ice on the roads and pavements, impossible to drive up hills, and my boss had to leave her car at work and walk for 90 minutes to get home (I am glad I wasn't at work on the Friday). We cancelled our housewarming party as it wouldn't have been safe to ask people to get to our house, nor to get home in the evening after it froze over again.

- In Scotland, you are used to it - you get a couple of reasonably heavy snowfalls a year, and you can deal with it better. We hadn't had snow this bad for several years. So people find it difficult to prepare, and they are also not used to driving on snow or ice. This is why Birmingham and Sandwell councils did the right thing by cancelling school - imagine all those part-time school runners slipping and sliding about on the ice in rush hour...

As it was, we took the opportunity to explore the parkland behind our new home, and found it to be a veritable winter wonderland.