Happy New Year

Sent to me by a colleague (apparently she got it from a GP's surgery):

Politically Correct Holiday Greetings

We wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting to our trusted neighbours but it is so difficult in today's world to know what to say without offending someone. So we met with out solicitor yesterday and on his advice we wish to say the following:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, jointly and severally our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter holiday, practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasions or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make out country great (not to imply that it is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishees.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher actually to implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or the issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishers.

Disclaimer: No trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced.