Rish's Diary

201 all out

2007-12-24T13:05:00.000Z

It has been a couple of years since I started this site. I didn't expect many people to read - maybe my Dad, my brother and a handful of friends. I have had the pleasant surprise of having strangers stop by, and the disappointing realisation that some of my friends are not interested (despite the fact that they spend hours checking each other out on Facebook). I have had good feedback on some posts, and utter indifference on others. I have written about work, home life, discrimination, commuting and I have also failed to save Sherwood the Bear.

But, after 200 posts, I have decided to stop here. I am not giving up writing on the web, and will continue to do occasional posts via my Facebook profile (which will take away the pressure of having to think up new posts on a regular basis). I certainly intend to continue my occasional posts on my brother's Nottingham Forest blog, and I hope to find the time to write opinions and match reports on both the Nottingham Forest Official site and the BBC Nottingham website. You may also have noticed a new link to "ReVued", a new blog which I am writing with my friend Mohan, in which we, erm, review stuff. Please stop by and have a look.

To those of you who have read, you have my gratitude and admiration. To those of you who have occasionally stopped by, I hope you have enjoyed it. To those of you who wish to contact me, then you can email me at savesherwood@talktalk.net (I can't promise I will check regularly, but I will check).

Merry Christmas! Remember to be good to each other, and may you get what you deserve in 2008 (and in the future)...

What goes around...

2007-12-12T13:25:00.000Z

I have two-traffic related incidents to report upon from last week.

The first one happened when I was driving to work. On a relatively open stretch of urban road, I could see the blue lights in my mirror from a while back, so was keeping my eyes open as I knew that I would have to pull out of the way to let the ambulance past. When I did pull over, it was about 100 yards before a junction, the kind where people often pull out halfway to ease their way into the traffic. The numpty who was sitting halfway obviously saw me and the chap in front pull in and thought "Here's my chance". As it pulled into the road, the ambulance and pursuing police car had to brake (thankfully not too sharply), and gave him a blast of the horn.

Here is the best bit - the accident was only about 500 yards up the road, by a set of traffic lights. The ambulance pulled in, and was swiftly followed by the police car. A line of cars started to queue by the red light. A paramedic leapt out and attended to the casualty; the technician who was driving the ambulance then got out, spoke to the policeman, and pointed out the car which had pulled out in front of the ambulance.

It was very satisfying to see the copper give the driver a good old fashioned telling off. What an idiot, to pull out in front of an ambulance, and yet how great to see that he had the error of his ways pointed out to him. Did he honestly think that it would be OK?

**************

The second incident was on my afternoon off. There is a small crossroads near my house that always has a reasonable flow of traffic, and can get quite busy during rush hour. It was moving more slowly than usual, and I realised that there was a broken down car sitting on the white line. As I drove around, I realised that it was a lady on her own. I pulled in and walked back to her. There must have been tens of cars who had already gone past, even as I was walking to her car I saw a number of people just drive around her.

She was fine, not panicking, and had called the AA. I suggested that it might be a good idea to move the car out of the way, so she wasn't blocking the junction anymore. I pushed her off the white line, around the corner and ran out of steam before I could push her off the main road. At this point only (after pushing from a standing start, up a gentle slope) did two more guys materialise to help push her out of the way. The lady knew one of them, and she had the AA on the way, so she thanked me and I got back in my car and went home. I had a harder workout in two minutes than I would have had in two hours in the gym!

My question is, why did all those other people just drive past? Why did I have to push her from standing, for two hundred yards around a corner and up a slope, before anyone offered to help? I am not a big bloke (5'6" and slightly built, and she was driving a Volvo V40 - not a huge car, but certainly not a small one), so did people think I was practising for some kind of endurance test?

If you have the number, feel free to call the Karma Police on my behalf...

**************

Surprisingly, this was my 200th post on Rish's Diary - where do they all come from?

Celebrity lookalikes pt 9

2007-12-04T09:42:00.000Z

This will probably be the last in the "Celebrity Lookalikes" series, so why not go out on a classic?

Former Stone Roses "singer", Ian Brown.

Tony the Tiger

Celebrity lookalikes pt 8

2007-11-25T22:12:00.000Z

Hip-hop legend and Eminem's mentor, Dr Dre

Nottingham Forest and Ghana hotshot Manuel Junior Agogo

Feel the benefit?

2007-11-22T21:15:00.001Z

Amidst all the furore over the Revenue and Customs fiasco, and the England team's abject failure, one story from the start of the week has been almost forgotten - the changes to the Incapacity Benefit system.

The story didn't surprise me, and neither did the reaction I heard on Radio 5Live. Sadly, there still seem to be a lot of people who don't understand what disability, or more pertinently incapacity, actually means.

My girlfriend, as I have mentioned before, is epileptic, and most of the time you wouldn't know there is anything wrong with her. However, she just would not be able to work full-time - the cocktail of meds that she has to take means that she is permanently exhausted, and needs to sleep about 12 hours most nights - if she doesn't sleep properly, it dramatically increases the chances of her having a seizure (not nice).

I heard the contributors to the 5Live phone-in, and was amazed:

"There is a guy at my work who is in a wheelchair, and he comes in everyday to work" - so he is physically disabled, that doesn't mean he is not fit for work.

About a woman who phoned in, who works only a few hours per week for her husband's company due to a degenerative condition that causes her pain and chronic fatigue, and claims Incapacity Benefit to make up for the wages she cannot earn: "If she can work, why doesn't she do proper paid work and stop claiming off the state?"

The only call that I could relate to was from an epileptic; he explained how his situation is similar to my girlfriend's. He would love to work full-time, but if he has a seizure he obviously takes time to come around afterwards, and they are difficult to predict.

The trouble is that an employer is not going to take a chance on someone who may not be able to work regular hours due to their illness or disability - I can empathise with employers on this. So unless employers take a chance on people, there will continue to be a number of people who are unable to work full-time, and will continue to rely on the state for financial support.

Of course there are chancers who fiddle the system - but why should people who are genuinely suffering have to miss out because of the actions of them?

As it happens, my girlfriend does not get Incapacity Benefit. This is because she doesn't have enough National Insurance credits. They said that she would be eligible to claim if it wasn't for this, so she doesn't get any money, only her NI credits paid.

So why doesn't she have enough NI credits? This is because in periods when she has not been working before (she has never been able to work full-time, but has done some part-time jobs), she did not claim Incapacity Benefit or Jobseekers' Allowance - therefore, she was not accruing NI credits during this time. Effectively, she did not have enough NI credits to claim benefits, because she did not claim benefits at times when she was eligible! How's about that then?

Questions that need answering

2007-11-13T12:37:00.000Z

Why is it impossible to open a can of tomatoes without splattering yourself? And also impossible to empty it into a pan or bowl without it slopping over the side - usually over your light-coloured clothing?

Why does my car's fuel gauge insist it has three-quarters of a tank left after 120 miles, but then says it is empty after 280 miles?

Does anyone know why, even after checking that it is all done, you always find a stray teaspoon at the bottom of the washing-up bowl?

How come we can send a man to the moon, but cannot create a juice carton that you can open without it sending a spurt of juice into the air/over your hands and sleeves/all over the nice clean kitchen floor?

Why don't cars have mud-flaps anymore? Especially the SUVs, 4x4s and MPVs with the high ground clearance? Surely it would stop spray on the motorways. and help prevent chipped windscreens?

How come hedgehogs can run so fast, yet still think that the best way to avoid getting hit by a car is to curl up into a ball in the car's path?

Do people who alter the spacing of the letters and numbers on their number plates honestly think that it spells out their name? Example: H48 VEY apparently spells "Harvey", H1 3ARA displays "Zara". In both these cases, I only knew what they were supposed to spell because they had their names spelt out in small letters underneath - if you have to explain it...

Why do I remain convinced that it is worth spending an extra £5 at the supermarket that will get me a 5p per litre petrol voucher that will only save me a maximum of £3?

If you can think of any burning questions that need to be answered, then please add them in the comments box. I will be impressed if anyone can come up with some answers...

Ludicrous laws

2007-11-07T11:20:00.000Z

Whoever said that the British political and legal system is outdated and archaic is probably right. Examples include:

It is illegal for a woman to be topless in Liverpool except as a clerk in a tropical fish store

If someone knocks on your door in Scotland and requires the use of your toilet, you are required to let them enter

The full story can be viewed here, including some equally ridiculous legislation from other countries.

Consequences? What consequences?

2007-11-02T21:00:00.000Z

One of the more upsetting stories last week was the death of two little boys being killed trying to cross a motorway.

I was astonished when I heard a nearby resident say that they needed barriers and signs to warn the kids that the motorway is unsafe. My first thoughts were, "why on earth were two boys that young out by themselves playing with those scooters?". Now I am not a parent, so I suppose it is easy for me to judge... The father of one of the boys said that he tried to teach his son about the dangers of the motorway. But unfortunately the boys were still unsupervised. The dad also added that he thought there should be warning signs. Again, it is easy for me to judge, and it is perhaps unfair to expect a rational opinion from a grief-stricken parent, but he, and his neighbour, are completely missing the point.

It reminds me of a (thankfully far less severe) incident that I witnessed a couple of years ago. If you are familiar with your Highway Code, you will know not to block pedestrian crossings. The queue I was in was not far from a local school, it was shortly before 9am, and there were about three mothers with their kids waiting to cross. The lights were green, but I waited before the line in case they changed. Seeing that I had stopped, but not even glancing at the lights, one of the mums ushered her little one across. Like many boys of his age (about seven or so), he legged it across the road, straight into the path of an oncoming Ford Escort van. Things went into slow motion, as the driver of the van luckily saw the boy coming through the line of traffic, and managed to hit the brakes. Unfortunately she still hit the boy but mercifully at low speed.

After the boy bounced off the bonnet, the first thing he did was get up and run back to Mummy - in medical terms, this had to be a good thing. The van driver was obviously upset, the lights were on green and the boy would have come out of nowhere. The mother went mental at the driver, accusing her of jumping a red light. The driver quite rightly pointed out that the lights were on green. The mother pointed at my car, still sitting neatly behind the line, as proof that the lights must have been on red. My concern for the boy had now turned into anger at the mother for being so irresponsible and having the nerve to blame it on everyone but herself.

I was about to get out of the car and reassure the driver that she had done nothing wrong, but I realised that I was blocking the road, and there was a long queue in both directions. So I drove along about one hundred yards, until I was clear of the zigzags, and then pulled over, got out and walked back to the crossing. By this time, the parents and their entourage were moving on, and the van driver had given up, and not wanting to block the road, was driving on. So I never did get to set them straight...

When I got to work (all of about ten minutes later), I was obviously a little upset by this episode. At first, I tried to give the mother the benefit of the doubt, but I quickly revised my opinion - if you have kids, surely you don't take any chances with their safety, especially on the roads? If she had only looked up, she would have seen that the red man was still illuminated. The thing that gets me really angry is the fact that it is not her that could have paid the price for her recklessness, but her little boy.

Call me Mr Cynical, but I suspect that, to this day (around two years later), the mother will still be trying to convince herself that it was the van driver's fault...

Explanation as to why the Jeremy Kyle show is so popular

2007-10-26T17:22:00.000+01:00

Although I suspect they don't show Jezza's show in the USA...

In safe hands

2007-10-25T13:13:00.000+01:00

This was sent to me recently - I have to confess that I have no idea whether it is true or not...

Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than
600 employees and has the following employee statistics?

29 have been accused of spouse abuse

7 have been arrested for fraud

9 have been accused of writing bad cheques

17 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses

3 have done time for assault

71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

14 have been arrested on drug-related charges

8 have been arrested for shoplifting

21 are currently defendants in lawsuits

84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last year

Which organisation is this?

It's the 635 members of the House of Commons, the same group that
cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of
us in line.

Extracts from Council Housing Complaint Letters

2007-10-24T13:10:00.000+01:00

Again, sent to me by a colleague...

I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burned my knob off.

I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow.

I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.

Dear Dogs and Cats...

2007-10-23T13:19:00.000+01:00

Sent to me by a colleague...

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height...

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a pawprint in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don' t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughterwho is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.

And finally,

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

Its base was oh-so wide

2007-10-21T21:04:00.000+01:00

I do not understand why anybody would change their name to something that would become rhyming slang - however, what is done is done, and it remains to be seen whether Stewart Copeland will incorporate an extra floor-tom into his drumkit so that he can write, "Sting is a James Blunt".

My opinion of Mr Blunt is pretty much summed-up in this offereing by Weird Al Yankovic:

However, it appears that everyone's favourite ex-soldier-turned-warbler has gone some way to redeeming himself, and there is no better way than by appearing on Sesame Street:

I think my computer is on drugs

2007-10-04T14:17:00.001+01:00

My computer at work gave me this error message (click to enlarge) - does it need help?

Popworld

2007-10-03T10:51:00.000+01:00

In a world where it is getting harder and harder to find the good music that is out there, Popworld on Channel 4 gently mocked those musicians who were in it for the fame, as much as the music. I found this gentle, and slightly reverential, article about the now-defunct show and its ex-presenters.

Sign of the times

2007-09-26T12:35:00.000+01:00

I meant to write about this a while ago, but was kind of busy at the time. A few months ago, I needed to go to Loughborough for work purposes, and decided to travel by train. This entailed taking a train from my neck of the woods, and meeting a colleague at Birmingham New Street station, where I would change trains before continuing on my journey.

New Street station has ticket barriers where people in yellow jackets check that you actually hold a valid ticket (there has long been a history of fare dodgers on the cross-city lines). I was about to leave the platform area to go and buy a coffee and something for breakfast, when I was stopped by one of the coppers who were in attendance.

PC Plod explained that he and his colleagues were randomly stopping people under the terms of anti-terrorism legislation, I wasn't being targeted and would I mind answering some questions and if he had a look in my bag?

Not being in a position to argue, I politely agreed. PC Plod was quite agreeable, he noted down my appearance and asked about what I was doing today, he then had a quick glance at the contents of my bag. To be honest, he seemed a bit embarrassed by the whole thing. PC Plod was a Sikh, with a beard and a turban. This actually reassured me - if it had been an officer of a different ethnicity, it would have been all too easy to think that they were only stopping me for being of Asian origin. He also said that he takes some (gentle) abuse from friends and family for the fact that he has to do this part of the job.

I wasn't about to complain - it is a sign of the times, and there is no point kicking up a fuss unless you want trouble. That doesn't mean I like it, or that I think it is fair. I do believe that I am more likely to be targeted for stop and search by virtue of my gender (male), age (late 20s) and skin colour (brown); this is in a similar way to the fact that on about half of my holidays with (white) friends or my girlfriend, they will often be quickly waved through at passport control, while I get a slightly sinister glare and often a couple of minutes of questioning about where I have been, what I was doing there and so on.

Am I paranoid? Maybe a little, but given the current climate of suspicion, can you blame me?

Rish's Holiday Diary - part 2

2007-09-25T14:46:00.000+01:00

The saga continues:

Day 4: We went to the beach - well it is the done thing when on holiday on the Costa Blanca! Unfortunately the sun went in, so we ended up giving up and going home. When making dinner, I managed to slice my thumb open - luckily, it did not bleed too much, although I am sure it added a bit of flavour to the meal(!). Worse than the robbery, and the thumb injury, was the appearance of a cockroach in the flat that evening - urghh! I had no insect spray, but managed to make do with some air freshener. I cannot say for certain that the cockroach was dead when I expelled it from the flat, but it sure would have smelt citrus fresh!

Day 5: We went to the Police Station. Reassuringly, filing a Police report in Spain is much like in the UK; you wait around for ages, because there is only one officer taking reports, while about ten coppers stand around scratching their arses and going outside for a fag. After waiting for three hours, we eventually got it done. By then, we had to abandon our planned trip to Alicante. We got home to find three more cockroaches trying to get into the flat - still without insect spray, I found that furniture polish worked effectively - I never realised that Mr Sheen could multi-task!

Days 6 and 7: Went to Alicante. It was not very exciting. The next day we went to Murcia. It was better, but no-one spoke English, and having had our phrasebook stolen in the burglary, we struggled at times. The only person we found who spoke English was a Polish waitress, who remarked that it would be "easier to swim the ocean when you cannot swim, than it would be to spend time in Murcia without speaking Spanish". That told us! The waitress, Aleksandra, was lovely and a bit bonkers. Unfortunately I have lost the bit of paper which she wrote her email address on, so there is no chance of going for a barmy night out with her next time we go to Spain (not necessarily a bad thing - I have heard the Poles are crazy drinkers). I also discovered that the Matiz cannot make it past 65 mph without starting to shake!

Days 8 and 9: Pleasant days, spent at the beach. Lovely, but ruined by the sixty-something woman sunbathing topless nearby - yuck! The following day was packing up, featuring the heaviest hailstorm I have ever seen - it was like the sky was falling in, and I am glad we were indoors at the time. We unfortunately had to continue our battle against the cockroaches (now armed wth insect spray) and then the holiday ended as it began - with queues at the airport, and having to comply with the ridiculous situation of not being allowed to take a bottle of water on the plane with us.

This may sound a little ungrateful, as not everyone can afford to go on foreign holidays, but I didn't really enjoy myself much. Murcia was a good town, the beach was pleasant, it was great to not be at work, but a combination of robberies and cockroaches took the sheen off the holiday. Now I am just waiting to see if the insurance will pay up so we can get a new camera, and still paying off the hire of the crapmobile on my credit card...

Paddington Bear goes experimental

2007-09-23T16:50:00.000+01:00

Have you seen the new ad for Marmite, featuring Paddington Bear? It is really quite amusing, in a nostalgic, understated kind of way:

The ad has caused consternation to some bear lovers, as shown in this article.

Creator Michael Bond was not involved in this ad, but reports that "although Paddington found the sandwiches interesting, bears are creatures of habit. It would require a good deal more than the combined current withdrawals from Northern Rock to wean him off marmalade, if then". A wonderfully measured response, I think (full story is here).

Rish's Holiday diary - part 1

2007-09-23T16:30:00.000+01:00

For those of you not able to access me through Facebook, I have just come back from holiday in Spain. It was a bit of a mixed bag.

Day 1: Get on the bus, go to Birmingham airport. When we get there, two hours before the flight (as advised), the queues for check-in are mammoth. It turned out that the conveyor belts behind the check-in desks were broken. The airport had no contingency plan, so the poor check-in staff had to sit there smiling, until the belts worked again (which they did for about one out of every ten minutes). Obviously, no-one missed their flight as we were all in the same boat, but it was bit frustrating and absolutely astonishing that there was no contingency. The airport staff looked a bit hot and bothered, but the holidaymakers remained in surprisingly good spirits!

When we got to Murcia airport, I went to pick up the hire car - finding the collection point was not easy. I had a bit of trepidation about driving on "the other side" as I hadn't done it for about seven years - and that was in Canada, with big wide roads and in an automatic. This time, I was driving in a country with narrow streets, a different driving culture (the old "Latin temperament"), and most importantly, a gearstick on the other side to normal.

Actually, the main problem wasn't changing gear, or even trying to get in the passenger side by mistake (although the missus almost got in on the driver's side, which would be a disaster as she doesn't know how to drive) - it was simply that the Chevrolet Matiz (as pictured above) is like a tin-can with no steering! No reassuring clunk when you shut the door, more a light slap on metal on metal. It understeers horribly, even at very low speed. And it started to shake at 110km/h (about 70 mph). One of my colleagues says that her friends had one for a little while, and called it the "roller-skate". At least the air-con worked, as it was pretty warm out there...

Day 2: Our flat was very pleasant, and it was warm at night as well. On day 2, we shopped for some food and drink, and cleaned up the place (Spain can be dusty). A quiet, but pleasant day, where we sunbathed on the flat's roof terrace, explored the local area and cooked ourselves a chicken paella.

So far, so dull for you, dear reader - but read on...

Day 3: A little more exploring, and a bit more sunbathing. I popped out to the shops to buy some drinks, and left the missus sunbathing on the terrace. Later on, we were about to go out, so I went to grab the camera and my mobile phone. Oh, I must have left them somewhere else, or maybe the missus has moved them? She says that she didn't. The truth slowly dawned on me as I realised that the battery pack for the camera, which I had left charging, had also been unplugged and was missing, as was the missus' bag. I checked for any evidence, and found a footprint. The burglar must have waited until I went out, come upstairs, climbed over the railing and vaulted onto our balcony and into the living room. There they picked up whatever they could which was within snatching distance, and jumped back over, leaving dusty footprints on the balcony and on the railing. Bastardo.

It was Saturday, and we were advised by someone working in the complex that there was no point telling the police until Monday, as they would have an interpreter available then.

Day 4: We were not that upset, just annoyed. Things are, after all, replaceable, and at least our passports and tickets (locked up in another room) were safe. More importantly, the missus hadn't come across the burglar, as who knows what would have happened?

We bought a disposable camera, and I could live without my phone. We had already telephoned home to cancel my mobile and the missus' debit card. We decided to go to the beach, but unfortunately, as soon as we got there, the sun went in for the afternoon. Just our luck!

So we explored a bit, then went home and made dinner, where I promptly added a bit of flavour by slicing my thumb open while chopping vegetables. Luckily it didn't bleed too much and I had remembered to pack the first aid kit. Still, a perfect end to the perfect weekend...

Caught by the fuzz

2007-09-18T23:04:00.000+01:00

The Police have reformed for a series of reunion gigs. They recently visited the National Indoor Arena in Birmingham. My friends Mohan tried to get tickets, he asked if I wanted to get one, but I replied that £100 a ticket was just too expensive.

In a bizarre twist of fate, I ended up going anyway - Mohan's companion for the evening pulled out at the very last moment, and so I was offered the ticket (which had already been paid for).

The support band sounded, well, just like The Police. I actually described them as 90% The Police, and 10% Foo Fighters. Actually not a bad combination! I heard a rumour that the singer/bass player is actually Sting's son, which would explain why he has a similar bass playing style and very similar voice.

Onto the main attraction, the three old fellas came on and started with the brilliant "Message in a bottle". They moved onto "Synchronicity", and then played a handful of songs that I didn't know. The higlight of the set for me was "Every little thing she does is magic", which is far from my favourite Police song, but was performed with real gusto.

Apparently, when introducing a record by The Police, Alan Partridge said, "And now a record by The Police, or as they are now known, Sting". This was the trouble with this gig - Sting dominated it with his ridiculous vocal crooning, stopping at least 40% of songs for a croon break which made said songs twice as long and made the set drag on. Sting and Stewart Copeland looked bored for the most part, Andy Summers did seem to be having fun, but also played his part by playing too many overly long and widdly guitar solos.

It seems ridiculous that songs as dark as "Roxanne" and the fabulous "Can't stand losing you" can be reduced to parody by the singer stopping the song to sing "Roxanne-ohh" or "Ee-ohh" for a number of pointless minutes. On top of that, the band committed what I regard as something of a cardinal sin - they used backing tracks for the additional vocals.

I hope other people enjoyed the gig more than I did - they paid enough for the tickets! If I had paid £100 for that, I would have felt cheated - the impression that band gave is that they were in for the £££.

As a footnote - my favourite story about the band dates back to the mid-1980s, when the feuding between band members was at its height. Apparently Stewart Copeland took to writing a single word on each of his four drum skins. From left to right, it read "STING" "IS" "A" ... and I am sure you can make decent guess at the fourth word (clue: it is widely regarded as being the worst word in the English language).

Get well soon

2007-09-17T23:27:00.001+01:00

One of the most under-rated singing bass players of this generation, Mick Quinn of Supergrass, has bizarrely broken his back. The full story is here, but in brief, it seems as though he sleepwalked through a first story window. Ouch.

Get well soon Mickey.

Summer recess

2007-08-10T09:12:00.000+01:00

After a brief flurry of posting over the last few weeks, I have decided to take a few weeks' break from the blogging - at the moment, I am very busy with work (and after all, they do pay my wages), and also with the campaign to Save Sherwood the Bear. Things are going to remain frantic for a good three or four weeks yet, after which I intend to retreat somewhere hot and sunny (I hope!) for a few days.

So there may still be updates on the Nottingham Forest blog (hopefully I will be able to squeeze in a match report this weekend), and also on the Save Sherwood site; but for now, it is "au revoir" from Rish's Diary.

Stay safe and be good - see you in the autumn.

Amusing but true

2007-08-06T17:01:00.000+01:00

I linked to this from a careers-related article sent to me by my boss - it is a rundown of some of the most bizarre cases heard by employment tribunals, and is quite funny in places (in a "sad but true" kind of way).

He's only a little fella...

2007-08-06T14:17:00.000+01:00

We went to see the legendary Prince in concert at the O2 Arena (i.e. the old Millennium Dome) on Saturday. I do not have the time or inclination to write a full review, but here is a precis, as culled from an email to a colleague earlier today:

"Some of it was just like a party - think Soul Train with a hint of evangelism (no-one was preaching, but there was a kind of "let me hear you" kind of atmosphere).

He started off with a hit ("Let's go crazy"), then the Soul Train section, then he kept teasing us. The band were really tight, but they could have played more of the hits. I think it is because he is playing 21 nights, so he is playing a different set every night. Although it was great to see him play stripped down solo versions of "Little Red Corvette" and "Raspberry Beret", it would have been even better to see them played with full band.

Anyway, no complaints, for £35 each we attended a once in a lifetime concert from a legend, on what is probably his last UK tour.

Oh yeah, he is absolutely bloomin' amazing at the guitar!"

Returning to a previous topic of interest (commuting), the journey down from Birmingham to Greenwich was fine - about two and a half hours. I quite enjoyed driving in London again after a long time away from the capital. The journey back was a nightmare. Getting out of London was fine, but we got caught in a queue in the roadworks on the M1 near Luton. We got stuck at 1.30am, and took a whole hour before we were able to get going again! Luckily, before we hit the road, we thought of taking the precautionary measures of: (a) going to the toilet, and (b) stocking up on snacks and drinks.

Celebrity Lookalikes pt 7 - Save Sherwood special!

2007-08-02T16:13:00.000+01:00

Foot-in-mouth pundit and Nottingham Forest "Football Consultant" David Pleat, and Robin Hood, the Nottingham Forest mascot-in-waiting.

Save Sherwood the Bear!

2007-08-01T15:42:00.000+01:00

For those of you who don't usually frequent the football musings on the Nottingham Forest blog, I suggest you do so, to find details of a campaign of the utmost importance: Save Sherwood!

The lovable bear is to "retire", and be replaced by "Robin Hood". The campaign has started on the Nottingham Forest blog and BBC Nottingham are going to run features on the website and on BBC Radio Nottingham.

Click here to view details on the blog.

Celebrity lookalikes pt 6

2007-07-31T16:02:00.001+01:00

Supremely talented Muse frontman Matt Bellamy, and Albert Steptoe

A new order?

2007-07-31T16:01:00.001+01:00

Peter Hook - started his own unique style of bass playing, but he is still a bit of a tosser.

Celebrity Lookalikes pt 5

2007-07-27T13:05:00.000+01:00

Former Crimewatch presenter Nick Ross, and Principal Skinner from The Simpsons

Celebrity Lookalikes pt 4

2007-07-27T12:50:00.000+01:00

Soon to be ex-Newcastle winger Kieron Dyer, and Clyde from the Anthill Mob

Pilates of the Caribbean

2007-07-26T12:39:00.001+01:00

Listening to Mark Kermode's Film Reviews on Radio Five Live the other week, and Simon Mayo read out an email from someone who had witnessed a spelling error, trailing the recent blockbuster "Snaks on a plane" (sic).

Other listeners then emailed in their favourite film-title spelling errors - the ones that have stuck in my head include:

"Pilates of the Caribbean"

"Shakespeare in Hove"

"Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mint"

I then remembered an edition of Esther Rantzen's show That's Life from the dim and distant past - someone sent in a picture of their local cinema, proudly trailing "Gorillas in the Mist" as "Gorillas in the sh*t"!

If anyone else has any amusing mis-spellings, I would be delighted to hear them - that's what the comments form is for (hint hint!).

If there's any justice in the world

2007-07-26T12:29:00.000+01:00

I have deliberately chosen a song lyric as the title of this post, because I want to publicise the government ruling that UK songwriters and musicians will only remain eligible to receive royalties for fifty years. This is in contrast to ninety years in the US.

I am nothing more than an amateur musician. I have played in bands, I have written some songs, I have even recorded some of them. The discerning punter will bemoan that there is no music worth buying anymore, and yet the rewards of being a musician are being eroded.

Yes, most of us do it for love, not money, but it is still not fair when you do a job and don't get paid for it. Hence my opposition to illegal downloading - you are depriving the artist of their slice of the pie - iTunes is a much fairer way of doing it, with reasonable prices and reliable downloads.

I am not one of those who bemoan every little thing that the government does - I am actually fairly even-minded about the achievements (good and bad) of the Nu-Labour administration; but I have to protest that they have sanctioned a measure that actively prevents talented individuals from reaping the rewards from their hard work.

Weather panic

2007-07-23T11:53:00.001+01:00

I have studiously avoided commenting on the biblical rainfalls of the last few weeks, mainly because I have been lucky enough to miss the worst of it. A lot of the parkland around our area turned into swamp after the first week, and the sunroof on my new car occasionally drips (I am philosophical about this - after all, the car is not brand new, and secondly, the rainfall has been so heavy I am surprised that anything can withstand it). These are mere inconveniences, however, especially as one of my colleagues who lives in Worcestershire is flooded out, and a friend of mine lives in the floodplains of Oxfordshire (I am currently waiting to hear back from him to see if he is OK).

It seems that the weather "crisis" has proven that it doesn't take much to bring the worst out of people. Are there any solutions? Well, whether or not you can predict such rainfall, there is only a limited amount that you can do about it. One contributor to the BBC news forum seems to have an eminently sensible suggestion:

The solution is Weetabix. Have you seen how they suck up the milk? So take lots of weetabix or one big weetabix and it will soon soak all the water up. 24 hours later the weetabix will have dried rock hard and can be used as building material.

[Viper_7], York, United Kingdom

Ick

2007-07-17T14:39:00.000+01:00

Man discovers headache is due to someone else's tooth being embedded in his head.

This is one of the many reasons why, despite going to a rugby-playing school, I gave up the sport at the earliest possible opportunity.

Picture of the day

2007-07-17T14:36:00.001+01:00

Nothing like a good ol' publicity stunt!

Full story available on the BBC website.

Rules v common-sense

2007-07-13T13:33:00.000+01:00

I suspect you all get very fed up when I go on and on about Tom Reynolds' blog, but I think this post is pretty important; the question is simple - is it worth breaking the rules (and potentially violating certain ethical codes), in order to do your job they way you see fit?

As far as I can tell, Tom broke the rules. However, his primary function is to preserve life - if he had a hunch that the patient needed hospitalisation, then I think he did the right thing. Far better than finding out that the patient died afterwards...

Of course, one could argue that this is an even greater issue because of the increased likelihood of litigation in this day and age. Tom's next post, and the subsequent comments related to this, with this one providing a cautionary tale:

Re: Further Notes On Yesterday's Post
by AndrewKelly on Fri 13 Jul 2007 08:49 AM BST

We must also accept that this is the age of compensation. Yes, it is ABSOLUTELY the right thing to save someones life when they will die, even if you step on their toes slightly. However they may see the opportunity for a quick buck.

About a year ago I saw a middle-aged woman just collapse in the street with no pulse or breating. I have no clue on diagnosis so i started CPR (trained in such) and called an ambulance. Crew arrives, I give signs/symptoms/history and off they go.

A few months later I get a court summons, because she is sueing me for cracking her rib and inflicting "severe emotional damage" If I wasn't so flabbergasted and old-fashioned...i'd have hit her and given her a real reason to sue.

Thankfully the case collapsed and the woman looked a right prat, but the fact that someone who would have died, would even consider sueing her rescuer, has eroded my faith in humanity slightly.

For when you are stressed...

2007-07-12T14:12:00.000+01:00

This was sent to me by my boss! I recommend manic mode when you really need to give it some welly...

Any way the wind blows

2007-07-12T13:26:00.001+01:00

I know a number of mothers, teachers and pet owners who say that, when the weather is windy, their progeny behave differently; as my sister-in-law might say, "they get a bit giddy".

There have also been suggestions that a full moon affects people's behaviour. According to my diary, we are actually in the waning phase, with a new moon due this weekend. However, people's behaviour in the last 24 hours has got me thinking that perhaps we are entering a rather windy lunar phase.

Firstly, I got home from work yesterday to find that someone had parked in my space. I don't have a driveway as such, but it is an allocated parking space right outside my front door. I spent some time debating about what to do - is it worth knocking on the neighbour's doors to politely ask their visitors not to park there in the future? I didn't do this as I didn't know who they were visiting, and I didn't fancy speculatively ringing seven different doorbells. Should I put a note on their windscreen proclaiming these to be resident's spaces? I did this once before on another vehicle and it seemed to have done the trick. I decided to wait for a couple of hours before doing this. As it was, the visitor left soon. I hope they don't do it again - if they do, then I will use the note. So, utterly inconsequential, but a bit annoying.

This morning was when the real action happened. Please observe figure (1):

I was waiting to exit the T-junction (my car is the red one in the diagram - although it is actually black, this wouldn't have shown up well on the diagram). Someone waiting on the edge of the yellow box waited for me to go through, but as I didn't want to block the box, I hesitated.

When there was enough space to go forward, I was cut up by the blue car, who went around me and cut in front (see blue arrow).
I braked and beeped the horn. I didn't overdo it, it was just a warning "beep" (it doesn't help that, although my car is sleek, black and very sexy, it has the horn from Postman Pat's van).
The blue car then proceeded to reverse until they almost (thankfully only almost) hit me. I thought for a minute that they were going to stop, get out and probably beat me up, but instead they zipped off into the distance.

I have to confess that I was a bit rattled by this incident; the roads were very congested and everyone was a bit impatient, but the driver of the blue car was firstly very impolite, then threatening and bullying. I hate to resort to stereotypes (actually, I don't, I was just trying to be tactful), but you will probably not be surprised to find that the blue car was in fact a 3-series BMW...

About 200 yards up the road, I saw another instance of someone trying to cut in front of someone while turning at a junction (this time in some kind of 4x4 SUV thingy - didn't see what make). This might be acceptable in that there London, but is not normal for this area.

And then I engaged in an amicable, but annoying game of cat and mouse - I was waiting to turn right at some lights, a car was coming the other way but didn't want to block the junction. So while they were edging forward, trying to see if there was enough space to get across the junction, I was edging forward because I thought they were letting me through. After about three goes, they let me through. I said thank you - not many drivers around here seem to do so...

D'oh!

2007-07-11T09:45:00.000+01:00

Man flies halfway across the world to attend a friend's wedding, but finds that he is a year early!

I reckon that this is probably a fairly easy mistake to make, I have friends who are getting married next Easter and announced it over a year ago - I did think it was odd that the date didn't seem to be on Easter weekend, but was corrected by another friend who pointed out that it is in 2008, not 2007...

Make love not war

2007-07-10T12:45:00.000+01:00

Article in The Guardian by Jon Ronson, about the advent of potential wartime technologies, such as the "gay bomb" releasing aphrodisiac pheromones, and another pheromone-releasing weapon making the target susceptible to attacks by bees.

The mind boggles, but I am strangely not surprised by anything I have read here...

Would you employ this man?

2007-07-10T12:01:00.000+01:00

(Click on the image to make it bigger)

Whose humps?

2007-07-05T16:42:00.000+01:00

I am no fan of Alanis Morrisette, and even less so of Black Eyed Peas, but this is a gem from Alanis. A girl who I worked with once told me that her 9-year old niece was singing and dancing along to "My Humps" - I am just glad that she didn't understand what she was singing.

This link points to a blog by Rachel, a remarkable woman who shot to prominence as she blogged on the BBC following the London bombings almost exactly two years ago. Even more remarkably, she not only survived those attacks, but this followed three years after she survived a very violent rape in her own home.

More evidence of the cathartic power of blogging...

Jokes

2007-07-03T16:19:00.000+01:00

Apparently the guy who was captured trying to blow up Glasgow airport got in contact with his would-be terrorist chums through a new website. It is called Friends Re-ignited.

He was later seen wearing a kilt and reciting poetry in the hospital - apparently he was being treated in the Burns Unit.

These jokes courtesy of defiant people posting on Tom Reynolds' excellent blog, "Random Acts of Reality".

Hangin' over

2007-07-01T18:48:00.000+01:00

OK, the last in today's flurry of posting - I promised myself that I would do as little as possible today, after a a tiring few weeks - but I got bored, and fed up of just sitting in front of the TV for the Princess Diana concert.

We went out on Friday night; I spent most of Saturday feeling sorry for myself. I don't drink very much very often, which means that when I do, it means the hangover definitely makes an impact.

I have never been one to make the kneejerk proclamation of, "I am never drinking again". When I was at university, I occasionally said that I wouldn't drink again for a couple of weeks, and I always managed it. But this time, I am really thinking about whether I want the hangover, and whether I really need alcohol to have a good time. The answers are, "no" and "no".

Other factors to consider are that my girlfriend does not drink (not out of principle, she just doesn't really like the taste); out of my group of friends, many of them do not drink; if I don't drink, it means that I can drive, therefore saving long waits at wet bus stops, and extortionate cab rides home (fighting the ASBO kids in the taxi queue). Of course, there is also the question of vanity; I am now nearer to 30 than 20, and have reached the stage in life where the shape of my stomach doesn't lie, so I can probably live without the calorific value and bloating effects of the booze (although after a hard day at work, a cold bottle of beer is a great way to unwind on a warm summer's evening).

Anyway, I have made my decision, and from today, the 1st July 2007, I am not going to get drunk anymore. But I will still enjoy the occasional beer or G&T - I believe in moderation, so I don't feel the need to cut out the alcohol completely, just like I still enjoy the occasional KFC. However, if we are going out, I will drive, therefore I won't be able to drink; I will not buy any more alcohol for the house; I tend not to drink alcohol with meals anyway, as I find I don't enjoy the food as much (and I don't like wine), so that won't be a problem.

On 1st January 2008, I will review this; if I have not missed it, then I will consider whether I will drink at all.

And now for something completely different...

2007-07-01T18:14:00.000+01:00

Fed up of being serious, here is "Human Tetris"!

Inside the mind of a suicide bomber

2007-07-01T17:29:00.000+01:00

Just to get serious for a minute or two...

As we approach the second anniversary of the London bombings, and just a day after the latest attempts to blow up innocent people, I found this article which gives a little insight into some of the reasons why the 7/7 ringleader may have followed the path that he did. The article is long but worth it; I know little about Islam, but have read a bit about the differences between being a "Muslim" and an "Islamist". I suppose the headline from this article is the difficulties experienced by second generation immigrants, in this case the pressures to marry within one's own community. But to concentrate solely upon that might trivialise some of the other issues - for example, it has become clear that Thursday night's attempted car bombing in Haymarket was targeting the "Ladies' night" at Tiger Tiger nightclub, which presumably was full of decadent young women in the modern fashions (i.e. not a huge amount of clothing) getting drunk and having a "good time".

Whatever one might think of the behaviour of young hedonists in the western world, killing and maiming people cannot be the answer, surely?
Just as a footnote to this, I must join the chorus of praise to those who have helped to prevent loss of life and limb - the London Ambulance staff who spotted the smoke and vapours within that Mercedes on Thursday night, and those who helped the police apprehend the would-be suicide bomber in Glasgow - particularly the civilian who just decked the guy in the face so that the police could restrain him. It takes a braver man than I...

Topical joke

2007-07-01T16:53:00.001+01:00

A couple of weeks late, but:

Q: What's black and annoyed?

A: The reincarnation of Bernard Manning

More BB - draw your own conclusions

2007-07-01T16:42:00.001+01:00

Continuing on the Big Brother theme, the following is taken from Popbitch:

"I am not proud of the Big Brother row - I am not
even proud of Big Brother. But Big Brother accounts
for 15 per cent of the total revenue that keeps
Channel 4 afloat." - Lord Puttnam, deputy chairman C4

And following from Emily Parr getting thrown off:

So indie-loving posho Emily gets canned from
Big Brother for using a racist term to the
show's only African-Caribbean contestant. While
it's suspiciously convenient for Channel 4,
it's hard to feel any sympathy when you
hear Emily's friends springing to her defence.
Here's "Lucie" on Facebook:

"What the hell are you on about 'dirty racist',
she was obviously blatently (sic) joking, it's not
a big deal, it's only people like you and people
who have got so strung up about little things
that the person did not mean in offence that
have made this country so god damn politically
disgustingly correct! URGHH political correctness
will be the downfall of ENGLAND. Don't take
everything so seriously, learn to take a joke and
have a sense of humour or you'll all end up
like that idiot Charley."

Big bother

2007-06-19T12:47:00.000+01:00

I am not watching Big Brother - I mean, there are times when it is on, but I am not really interested (in contrast to BBLB, which I enjoy because of Dermot O'Leary).

I have watched BB in previous years, so why am I not bothered any more? Off the top of my head:

I am another year older, and maybe another year wiser (other people might be able to judge this better)
I have been working pretty bloody hard this year (hence sporadic posting), so the TV tends to be background noise, rather than something I actively watch, just because I don't have the energy
I saw a few minutes of the first "episode", and my comment at the time was that there was not one person in the house who seemed to exhibit an ounce of dignity or self-respect

I think that the format has got a bit tired. There is no point having housemates who are reasonable people, who can get on with each other, as it does not make "good telly". So, in the race for ratings, they deliberately choose people who are selfish, lazy, and prone to histrionics at the drop of a hat; if there is a chance that some of them might sh*g each other (or at least walk around naked), so much the better.

This, I believe, is symptomatic of some of the problems that we are faced with in society. It seems to be OK for people to display the above traits, justified by saying, "But that's just what I'm like". I am guessing that these are the same kind of people who try to get their own way by proclaiming, "I know my rights!"; actually, many of the people who say this don't actually know their rights - for example, human rights include things such as air and water, which are vital for life, and consumer goods and civil rights don't even enter the equation.

What is my point? Well, as you can tell, I am a bit tired and therefore my fuse is a bit shorter. But these are things that have quietly bothered me for some time; the people that shout loudest tend to be able to get what they want, "good" people tend to be kept waiting, and we now live in a culture where people treat the symptoms, not the cause. Maybe blogging is part of the answer, as people with similar views can quietly mobilise themselves in a civil way - I would have much more faith in this idea if there were more than about three people reading this..!

Baby Polar Bear

2007-06-19T12:35:00.000+01:00

Knut shows how cutesy little bears grow up into larger animals with big teeth.

Pyramid Song

2007-06-15T14:29:00.000+01:00

OK I am supposed to be writing a training session on coding text-based data. But it is Friday afternoon and my concentration is wavering. So I put on my MP3 player and put on "Amnesiac", the "inebetweeny" album by Radiohead which arose from the same sessions as "Kid A". Probably the most memorable song on this album is "Pyramid Song". It is not one to listen to if you are feeling depressed!

Probably the most remarkable aspect of the song is it time signature. An earlier entry on Wikipedia claimed that the song has no time signature. Other sources claim it to be 16/8. Wikipedia currently lists another theory. All I know is it is impossible to follow. But when I tried I found much of the song followed the pattern of 8+4+8+12 - using simple arithmetic I am guessing that it is 16/8, although putting my musical head on, I am completely baffled!

Life imitating art

2007-06-13T09:53:00.000+01:00

There is a bit of me that has no desire to go on and on about The Apprentice - there is enough coverage elsewhere. But this makes interesting reading; surprisingly, Katie Hopkins believes that she has been made a scapegoat in the wake of her dismissal from her job at the Met Office.

Firstly, some people never feel it is their fault; secondly, she accuses the Met Office of not realising that her appearing on a reality show would bring publicity, both good and bad (hello, Mr Pot, have you met Miss Kettle?); thirdly, The Sun reported yesterday that part of the adverse publicity that may have prompted her employer's decision was to do with her lurid revelations over her private life, including the publication of photographs of her in flagrante in a field somewhere.

I have to ask, if that is not misconduct, then what is? How can she argue that her actions on the show, and in the tabloids afterwards, have not created a bad impression that may reflect on her employers?

That is quite apart from the moral issue of her thinking that it is OK to sleep with other people's husbands, which Simon commented on in this article.

Finally, remember that she has not been "fired" from her job at the Met Office - she has failed to pass her probationary period. Frankly, I think that she was lucky to be allowed to participate in The Apprentice when she had only been in post for a number of weeks, and if I was her boss, I would not be keen to keep her on after what she got up to on the show, and her revelations about her stance on life's issues.

Glad that wasn't me

2007-06-11T18:47:00.000+01:00

Went to Alton Towers a few weeks ago. Was fun, but I avoided anything that I thought might make me sick. Which was quite a few of the rides, to be honest!

Looking at stories such as this remind me why I am not much of a thrill-seeker.

Mitchell and Webb

2007-06-07T16:44:00.000+01:00

I have never watched "Peep Show", or "That Mitchell and Webb Look" (I think that it what it is called), but I have seen the Apple Mac ads at the cinema, which I think are great (although maybe that is because I am a Mac user and feel quite smug in being so).

But at work yesterday, I was fed up of silence and not in the mood for music. So I looked on the BBC Radio Player, and clicked on "That Mitchell and Webb Sound". And it was the funniest thing I have heard in ages. My line manager and I were doubled up with laughter, and we were both very grateful that no-one walked in.

I have no idea how much longer it will be available for (they tend to be online for seven days after broadcast), but if you can, check out the "Hot oil" sketch. Click here to link to the show (please note that this links to a sound file - I think you can choose between listening on RealPlayer or Windows Media Player).

The Apprentice and reality TV

2007-06-07T15:46:00.000+01:00

Due to my intrusive working patterns, combined with a commute of at least an hour each way, I had never seen The Apprentice before. However, I have loved this series. Full of characters, and memorable dialogue, and I really like Alan Sugar.

I was not surprised at last night's evictees, and overjoyed at Sir Alan's psychology in persuading the other to stand down. I think that there is only one winner, and we only have a week to go to find out if my prediction will come true.

Favourite Tre moments:

1) Obviously, the one in the opening titles: "I am your boss." "You're not my boss." "I am your boss." "You're the project manager." "I am your boss." "You're nothing to me."

2) Talking about Simon's contribution to the advertising task: "You have to remember that there is a fine line between really good breakdancing and totally sh*te-b*llocks dancing".

Here is an article about the show- by now you will all realise that Simon and Kristina are in the final. I have been semi-reliably informed who wins the show as well, but don't want to spoil it for anyone.

In other reality TV news, a young middle-class white girl has been chucked off Big Brother for using a word beginning with "n" which has racist connotations. Cynics would say it is great positive publicity for Endemol and Channel 4. Others argue that she didn't mean it in a racist way. I don't think that she is necessarily racist, but if you say something offensive, you shouldn't be surprised if people take offence. For what it's worth, I don't think Channel 4 and Endemol had much choice if they wanted to avoid further sanction from Ofcom.

In the arms of your beloved

2007-06-01T09:52:00.001+01:00

Frankly, I am surprised it took this long to invent, but not at all surprised it has come from Japan: the "boyfriend pillow".

The moral maze

2007-05-30T09:11:00.001+01:00

Played footy for the first time in ages last night - I have alluded to this on the Nottingham Forest Blog. I love having a kickabout, we hire a five-a-side pitch and we split into two teams for an hour or so. It is more like playground football than anything else, obviously you want your team to win, but at the end everyone shakes hands, and it doesn't really matter which team wins or loses.

Yesterday was different. One player on my team, RS, has a reputation for fouling. I don't think he does it deliberately, but he is probably one of those "win at all costs" types. Over the couple of months that he has been playing, a little bit of ill-feeling had obviously built up amongst those who played against him. I actually agree that he is out of order sometimes, and needs a quiet word - we all want to stay friends, after all.

Fairly late on, I went in goal for a bit. Goalie is my best position in five-a-side (it is one of the rare occasions where being a shortarse doesn't hinder your chances of stopping the shots), and I like to try and be vocal when I'm in goal. The other team had two great players, MT and NX, but both of them are fairly right-footed. So when I told the defender in front of me to "put him on his left foot", I thought that I was doing my duty in helping defend our goal.

Unfortunately, NX went what I can only describe as mental, raising his arms and complaining about the attitude of our team. Even though it was my comment that triggered his response, and he was complaining about me, it seemed to be directed at others. It is worth noting that NX had been on the receiving end of some of RS' more robust challenges. NX then picked up his stuff and walked off, and the rest of us had a discussion in which we all decided that we need to take it easy if we are going to enjoy it - we are a very mixed-ability group (I personally am rubbish at five-a-side!), so we need to respect the fact that it is never going to be that serious a game.

Or at least, that is what everyone tried to say - however, different people have different ways of expressing things, so it ended with someone telling RS that he needs to cool down on the pitch, only to get called a "psycho" in response.

My question to you, dear reader, is do I need to apologise to NX? It was my comment that set him off. I feel that it was a football comment, but maybe he misinterpreted me as telling the defender to kick his left foot? My instinct is to say, "I am sorry if I offended you, but I also hope you realise that there was nothing personal in what I said"; I don't know NX very well at all, so I certainly don't want to fall out with him.

As for the rest: well I am not convinced that I want to keep playing football if there is going to be continued bad feeling, and I must say that it is largely down to people's inability to concede that other people can sometimes be right. I just want to enjoy it, and if I don't enjoy it anymore, then what is the point?

UPDATE (13th June): I emailed NX a day or so after writing this - he apologised for flying off the handle but also insisted that it was nothing to do with me. Due to work commitments, I couldn't play footy for the last couple of weeks, I may be getting "back on the horse" next week...

How soon is what?

2007-05-25T14:51:00.000+01:00

According to the Nottingham Evening Post, ex-Smiths and now Modest Mouse guitarist Johnny Marr could have played for Forest!
For risk of legal action, I am not going to express my views regarding the perceived accuracy or otherwise) of the NEP's stories, or of the general standard of their journalism...

Get the message

2007-05-23T12:58:00.001+01:00

To those of you who drive - you know how pay and display car park tickets often feature adverts on the back? Sometimes it is a special offer at Bella Pasta, occasionally vouchers to go bowling. In Lichfield, it says that there is "No Excuse for Domestic Abuse".

A very worthy message, but I am not from Lichfield and have to confess it left me wondering what kind of people live there?

Overpaid prima donnas

2007-05-17T18:46:00.000+01:00

Who said that footballers and musicians are overpaid, and/or have lost touch with reality?

"My greatest competition is, well, me. I'm the Ali of today. I'm the Marvin Gaye of today. I'm the Bob Marley of today. I'm the Martin Luther King, or all the other greats that have come before us. " - R Kelly

Premiership footballers were asked to donate a day's wages to a Royal College of Nursing hardship fund. The whole squads of Watford and Sheffield United, Fulham, Tottenham, Blackburn, Reading and West Ham did. Chelsea - not one player volunteered.

As reported by Popbitch. I don't recall Ali, Marvin, Marley or Martin Luther King being (alleged) paedophiles. As for the latter, maybe Frank, Andriy and Cashley didn't have their bank details to hand?

Celebrity lookalikes Pt3 - Carlos Tevez special!

2007-05-17T12:49:00.000+01:00

Carlos Tevez and Taz-Mania

Carlos Tevez and The Incredible Hulk (courtesy of Football 365):

Carlos Tevez and Dick Dastardly's sidekick, Muttley

Housekeeping

2007-05-16T14:19:00.000+01:00

Just a quick note to explain why there has been so little added to the blog recently, followed by a spate of posts in the last two days:

I have been pretty busy with work. I have been pretty busy at home - my brother and I are working to set up a website for Nicola - more on this later. I have also (finally) got around to compiling the BaRabica "anthology", Between the rubbish and the recycling. And of course, we had the Internet "outage" due to the incompetence of Tiscali. But mainly, I have been busy at work, and as most of my blogging is during lunch- and tea-breaks, this has accounted for my silence over the last month or so. Which is a shame as I have stuff to write about - so now it is time to catch up...

In the meantime, here are some nice pictures of "coffee art".

Be thankful for what you have...

2007-05-16T13:05:00.000+01:00

Some of you may have previously seen me wax lyrical about Tom Reynolds' book, Blood, Sweat and Tea, and his blog, Random Acts of Reality (see links section on the right).

It is posts like this that seriously bring home how indebted we are to our healthcare professionals, who constantly get treated shabbily by governments and lay people alike.

We may never know if the patient survived, but if she did pass away, at least she wouldn't have died alone...

Derren Brown

2007-05-16T11:04:00.000+01:00

I have never really watched any of Derren Brown's TV shows. Not because I am not interested, but more because I either don't realise they are on, or I am just not able to watch.

However, I am very interested in what he does, so when my good friend Mohan offered me his two spare tickets, I thought, "well, there is nothing to lose and it might be entertaining".

I am reasonably sceptical of psychic abilities, and I do not like hypnosis as a form of entertainment. Derren Brown does use some hypnosis, but he is adamant that he is not psychic. Some of what he did was astonishing, some was plain and simple distraction (the sort that a conjuror might use when performing a card trick). However, DB seems quite willing to explain a lot of his techniques. While it would be very easy to harp on in depth about the conscious and sub-conscious mind, it was simply that he would talk a lot, the audience would be trying to second-guess what was going to happen next, and so things would come as a surprise. The best example of this was when a man came on stage in a gorilla suit and stole a banana from a table - only about three people in the audience noticed!

The second half of the show was altogether more complex; it was a tribute to many of the "mind-tricksters" of the past. This included a "seance", whereupon members of the audience would make a table levitate using the powers of the spirit world (or so DB would have us believe), and also a trick called the "Oracle", whereby audience members would write questions, put them in an envelope, and write their initials on the front. DB would then guess the question and answer simply by looking at the envelope, and then did it simply by feel (he was wearing a massive blindfold).

All in all, an entertaining show. The only blackmark in my mind was the use of hypnosis on an audience member - I disagree very strongly with this as it is impossible to tell what long-term effects this may have on someone (I am sure you may have heard horror stories of more vulnerable people who say that their lives changed forever after going to hypnotist's shows). However, DB has clearly done his homework on psychiatric and psychological techniques, and also demostrates a very strong affinity to those who have attempted to perform mind tricks in the past.

Finally, a big thank you to Mohan for the tickets!

Celebrity Lookalikes Pt 2

2007-05-15T13:54:00.000+01:00

Former Forest skipper Chris Bart-Williams, and Tigger.

More Forest-related lookalikes can be found here.

Celebrity lookalikes pt 1

2007-05-15T13:43:00.000+01:00

Gabby Logan and a lion

More animals

2007-04-25T22:35:00.000+01:00

More pictures from Longleat...

Sea Lion

Otters - they are cute, but they smell

Meerkats

Hallucinogenic deer (I think something went wrong with the camera here!)

Longleat

2007-04-18T14:12:00.000+01:00

For my girlfriend's birthday, I decided to plan a surprise trip to go and see some lions and tigers. However, rather than going to Kenya, I decided that Longleat (as featured in the BBC's "Animal Park") would be much easier to get to.

You cannot possibly understand how big and powerful a lion is unless you get close to one. In this case, one got close to us (we were inside the car, obviously!). A large male lion also walked even closer than this, but unfortunately I was unable to get a photo.

As we made our way around the safari park, I joked that I didn't want to drive through the monkey enclosure as I didn't want them to nick my windscreen wipers. We had some monkeys sit on the car, like this adult and baby.

Unfortunately, I discovered why they get called "cheeky monkeys", as some of the monkeys were chewing away at various fixtures and fittings culled from other people's cars. And then I had another visitor, who did actually try to steal my windscreen wiper!

All in all, a great day out. It costs £20 for adults, which sounds like a reasonable amount but which I think is actually great value for money. In addition to the safari park, there are also tours of the house, pet's corner (including lots of otters - very cute but they really smell bad), an opportunity to feed sea lions, and my favourite part was walking through a bat enclosure - lots of people ducking as the bats like to tease unsuspecting humans. I could have stayed and watched the bats all day!

As for Nicola, she didn't even know where we were going until the night before (when she saw a roadsign which gave the game away), and I think that she was pleasantly surprised by my choice of birthday surprise. I do think that the deer-feeding spot was her favourite bit, although my car did need hoovering afterwards!

TIP: If you have a nice car, you might want to give the monkeys a miss. Alternatively, just keep moving - that's how I got rid of my vandal!

All this for free

2007-04-18T12:42:00.000+01:00

As many of you know, I am from Nottingham but recently decamped to the West Midlands. However, Nottingham is still very much my home town, and so when I heard that they were planning a series of events to celebrate the opening of the redeveloped Market Square, I thought that it would be worth checking out. Even more so when I heard that the Magic Numbers would be playing, and it would be free!

Actually, there were events for several days, and for several hours prior to our arrival in the Square. Our intention was to arrive in time for Just Jack, who put on a decent set. Jack seemed to be enjoying the day and smiled a lot. Can't say it inspired me to buy his album, but full marks for the use of vocoder and swirly and robotic 80s keyboard sounds.

Magic Numbers are a band who I like, but would not necessarily pay to go to a gig. I have previously thought that they would be a good band to see at a festival though. And to their credit, even though this was a free gig (which threatened to be ruined by some lairy kids who wanted to shout abuse at the band - if you don't like it, you can just walk away, it hasn't cost you anything!), they put on a proper show. My favourite songs were "Love's a game" and "Morning's Eleven", although everyone was jumping and singing along to set-closer "Love me like you". And they finished with what I can only describe as a hoedown, accompanied by Nottingham City Council's fireworks display. Nice.

Giving blood for the cause

2007-04-16T13:42:00.000+01:00

I went to give blood last week. This is not me boasting about how I help worthy causes, merely because, as so often in my life, there were complications and problems (with hilarious consequences).

My appointment was last Wednesday, just after 6pm. Everything went fine, I handed in my form (you need to fill out a health check every time you donate), had the little chat where they checked my iron levels etc, and lay down on the bed. Then there was a delay because they noticed that I hadn't donated in the West Midlands before (my previous donation was in Nottingham). Despite the wait, I was grateful that they had noticed, because apparently if they hadn't corrected the details, my donation would have been wasted.

Then the needle went in, it was painful enough for me to shout "ow". I don't particularly like needles, but I can cope with injections, blood tests and donations. But this hurt. Definitely hurt more than last time (last time, she used the other vein in my arm). I was asked if it felt OK, I replied that it was a little uncomfortable, but the blood was coming out quite quickly, so we decided not to adjust too much - it would be over soon.

Then, when the blood bags were full, I asked "will it hurt as much to take the needle out?". The nurse said "I knew you were going to ask that! I will do my best". So she carefully removed the needle, and before I knew it, she had lowered my head, raised my feet, and there were two staff fanning me. What seemed like a few seconds later, I felt hot, clammy and faint.

Of course, I was fine after a few minutes - they managed to get some blood back to my brain, I didn't pass out, and I enjoyed a couple of glasses of lemon squash and a few biscuits. Apparently a few others had similar problems, probably due to the warm weather (the donations were being taken in Sutton Coldfield Town Hall, in a room with big screen windows and not much of a draught). In my case, I had foolishly not eaten anything since lunchtime, so my blood sugar was a bit low, and the sheer pain of pulling the needle out of my arm did not help.

So, for next time, I must remember:

Do not give blood on an empty stomach
Try and donate in an air-conditioned room
Make sure that the nurse chooses the right vein - one of them hurts, the other doesn't!

After my drink and biscuits, I filled in a feedback form to compliment the staff on their excellent work. Being a bloke, I spent most of the rest of the day feeling a bit sorry for myself; my girlfriend remarked that I seemed a bit subdued. What was strange was that I felt out of sorts for a couple of days afterwards - maybe they removed the bit of the blood that holds my soul?

Jordan and David Hasselhoff

2007-04-16T13:24:00.000+01:00

Around a year or so ago, there was a campaign to give, erm, "ironic" customer reviews on Amazon to the work of David Hasselhoff. Here is an example.

Yesterday, I discovered that Katie Price (aka Jordan) and her chisel-pecced husband Peter Andre had recorded an album of duets. Read the reviews here.

The Namesake

2007-04-16T13:10:00.000+01:00

Went to see The Namesake the other day. It is directed by Mira Nair (Monsoon Wedding), and it deals with a family who emigrate from India to America, and the trials and tribulations attendant to moving to a new homeland and bringing up your kids in a different culture.

This film really spoke to me. My parents moved over from India in 1975, when my brother was just six months old. When he started school, he was getting confused by speaking English at school and Assamese at home, so my parents decided to bring us up as English speakers. We both know and understand a bit of Assamese, but couldn't have a conversation. Mum and Dad have pretty much brought us up as British, which I think is the right thing to do - I cannot stand the thought of certain sections of the community who seem to be hostile (or at least indifferent) towards the "host" society. As a matter of interest, my brother's wife is a Yorkshire woman, and my girlfriend is from Nottingham, with an Italian grandmother who moved over here with her English husband after the war - there was no pressure from Mum and Dad to find "a suitable Indian girl".

Some bits of the film are very moving, some bits spoke to me as a second-generation immigrant trying to understand the cultural complexities that my folks must have faced in moving to the other side of the world. I won't give any of it away in case you choose to go and see it. I confess that I definitely got more out of seeing the film than my girlfriend - I do think you have to be Indian to understand some of the nuances and cultural references.

I heartily recommend this film (including the soundtrack, by Nitin Sawnhey) - it is only being shown at a few cinemas, so catch it while you can.

Tiscali Update

2007-04-13T13:43:00.000+01:00

It's over. They have written to me to "sincerely" apologise. They accept that it was their mistake that have caused me problems, and it was apparently down to miscommunication. I am not going to pursue them any further, it would be extremely difficult to prove any loss of potential earnings, and they have admitted their liability with regard to the data protection issue.

My new agreement with Talk Talk starts next week - I hope it is not a case of "out of the frying pan..."

Tiscali - the beginning of the end?

2007-03-28T14:57:00.000+01:00

Dominic Negus
Tiscali Customer Services
PO Box 7206
Kiln Farm
MK14 6XG

27 March 2007

Dear Mr Negus,

RE: Complaint - Customer Code *****

I am writing to follow up my written complaint of the 19th February 2007, and the various calls I have made to your Customer Service line in the interim.

I am astonished that nobody from Tiscali has taken the time to contact me regarding this complaint. I have spent a significant amount of my time and money on making phone calls to you; all I wanted was a written response to the issues I raised in my last letter, namely:

- The breach of data protection by which the previous tenant of my property was allowed to cancel my Internet provision

- The disruption and potential loss of earnings caused by the fact that myself and my partner have not had any Internet access for the last six weeks

In addition, I would appreciate an explanation as to why I have not had any contact from you or your Customer Service team since my initial contact with you. I had called on the 16th March to find out when I could expect a response to this complaint, and was told that one had been drafted, and I could expect to receive it in the “next few days”. When I spoke to your Customer Service representative Ruth on Saturday morning (24th March), she said that it looked as though the fact that I had made the call meant that it was no longer deemed necessary to send me a letter to explain the situation.

I would like to reiterate that in the interim, I have been very patient, and I have continued to pay my Tiscali bills. Part of the reason I signed with Tiscali was your reputation for good customer service – I was obviously mistaken, as you do not even see fit to respond to such complaints. My patience has now run out, and I will be looking elsewhere for my Internet and telephone provision.

Furthermore, if I do not receive a written response from you within the next 14 days, I will assume that you are not interested in responding, and I will contact Ofcom, to seek their advice (with particular regard to the data protection issue and your lack of interest in responding to customer complaints).

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely etc etc

Tiscali - the saga continues

2007-03-22T14:25:00.000Z

No letter for this one (again), but I have been in constant contact (with me having to make all the phonecalls) to find out why they let the problem develop and what they intend to do about it.

Last contact I had was last Friday morning, apparently after three weeks of investigation, they have finally formulated a reply. Unfortunately, I haven't received it yet. Even allowing for second class post, this seems to be a long time.

Watch this space - I am not going to let this go...

AXA PPP - the saga continues

2007-03-22T14:17:00.000Z

Sorry to go on about this, but here is the latest chapter - this time they have replied!

15 March 2007

Dear Ms Roberts,

RE: Policy no ******

I am once again writing to follow up my previous letter of the 19th February 2007.

It has been nearly four weeks since my second letter, and I am still waiting for a response. I am astonished that you do not even acknowledge such complaints.

I am writing to make you aware that if I do not hear from you by the end of March, I will follow one or both of the following routes:

- Seeking legal advice regarding the manner in which Nicola was signed up to this policy

- Contacting the media regarding your practices

I would also like to remind you that I used to work in the complaints department of a direct marketing firm, so feel well-informed and justified that your practices in this case are not legitimate.

We are not seeking any form of recompense, merely a written apology and an assurance that this incident will be investigated, and that you will take steps to ensure that such practices are not continued.

I am aware that you may not have replied as you do not wish to be seen to be breaching data protection guidelines - as such, I have asked Nicola to co-sign this letter to show that she authorises me to act on her behalf.

I look forward to hearing from you regarding this issue.

Yours sincerely etc etc

Lo and behold, yesterday I received the following:

Thank you for your letter of the 15 March which has been forwarded to this department for reply.

Your letter has now been passed to one of our Customer Relations Executives, who will reply within the next ten working days. We will let you know if we need longer than this.

Yours sincerely etc etc

Amazing how they obviously hoped that I would give up, and how they sat up and took notice when I threatened to go to the media! Please note that I hate that kind of threat, it was very much a last resort - remember that the above was my third letter to them on this subject...

Surreal TV moment of the week

2007-03-21T13:49:00.000Z

Last night, I got home from work at about 8.30pm. I kicked off my shoes, took off my coat and decided to have a good old sit down before having some dinner. I turned on the TV to see if there was anything interesting on, and was confronted with the most bizarre thing I have seen in ages - Huey Morgan, of the New York indie-hip-hopsters Fun Lovin' Criminals, taking part in what I can only describe as pro-celebrity dog training.

"That's unusual," I thought. "For a Tuesday."

Moanin' old git - update

2007-03-12T14:02:00.000Z

Tiscali - I have been in dialogue with them over my complaint, although I have had to call them, rather than the other way around. Apparently it is "under investigation" at a senior level. I have told them that I am getting very impatient and made sure that their customer service staff have recorded that on my file.

AXA PPP - I have not heard anything. Again. They are going to be sorry.

Watch this space...

The old ones are the best...

2007-02-26T13:26:00.000Z

Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned Bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from Birth.

One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.

"Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."

It's quite ok," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is as yours. I too have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are so at least you'll have that going for you."

"Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur, you have really long ears, your nose twitches, and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit."

"Oh, thank you, thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me."

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're smooth and slippery and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls.....

I'd say you must be a team leader, supervisor or possibly someone in senior management."

Nottingham Forest: Frustration...

2007-02-23T13:24:00.001Z

My latest article on the BBC site can be accessed via the blog: Nottingham Forest: Frustration in the nation. Or you can access it directly by clicking here.

Moanin' Old Git part 3

2007-02-20T14:42:00.000Z

No letter this time - I have written to complain but the letter would bore you.

Tiscali are my Internet provider in my new house. Our broadband provision started on the 19th January and ceased on the 13th February. I didn't ask for it to end, it just stopped working without warning.

So I rang Technical Support to find out why it wasn't working (after running all the usual diagnostics on my software and hardware, of course). They told me that the reason my Internet wasn't working was because it had been cancelled. "Why?" I asked. "You will have to speak to Billing to find out", they replied.

Billing were able to tell me that there was a note on the account to say "Internet cancelled as requested on the 13th February". It seems as though the previous tenant (who had left on the 6th January) had made this request. When I asked what we could do to rectify the situation, I was told to speak to Cancellations. Cancellations would not be open again until Monday morning.

On Monday morning, I spoke to Cancellations, who told me that the cancellation request was irreversible. I pointed out that I hadn't even made the request. It doesn't matter, it is still cancelled and we cannot re-establish your service as it takes 10-15 days to remove tags from your phone line, which must be done before we can re-connect.

I never yell at people on phone lines. I used to do customer service work, and know that it is not fair on the person on the other end, and only makes them more determined that you won't get what you are yelling for (or maybe that was just me). I did raise my voice in a very controlled way though, because this is a breach of Data Protection principles - someone else who does not have authority over my account has made a request which has been imposed without my knowledge. However, after half-heartedly offering one month free after my service has been re-established, he just said "There is nothing more I can do".

Then I asked if I am paying for my non-existent Internet service. "You will have to speak to Billing", I was told. Luckily, this time I got through to someone who was actually willing to help, was sympathetic and willing to take ownership of the problem. She agreed that it was ridiculous that the two accounts had been allowed to overlap, but also explained why I would still have to wait for the tags to be removed from the phone line before we could get Internet re-established. I pointed out to her (as I had done to everyone else) that both I and my other half need Internet at home as we both do some work from home, and she therefore not only suggested writing in to complain, but gave me the name of the Senior Complaints Officer!

So I have no Internet at home for at least two more weeks, which is a real bummer, as both Nicola and I are trying to write websites to use for work purposes (I can't really do that from the office, it would not look professional at all). Again, I suppose it is a case of watch this space, their response had better be good...

Moanin' Old Git part 2

2007-02-20T14:39:00.000Z

I would have written this letter about two or three weeks ago, but was kind of busy moving house...

Jane Roberts
Team Manager
AXA PPP Healthcare
Liverpool

19 February 2007

Dear Ms Roberts,

RE: Policy no **********

I am writing with regard to my letter of the 26th December 2006.

You may recall that in my letter I outlined my reasons for wanting to make a complaint regarding the manner in which your sales representative Laura, agent ID CR**1, signed my partner Nicola for a “Cashback” policy.

It has now been over 28 working days since I wrote to you and I am still waiting upon a response. I know that my original letter has been received because when we phoned to confirm that the policy had been cancelled, we were assured that this was the case.

I am slightly disappointed that you did not see fit to acknowledge the original letter. However, I would hope that you have now had a chance to investigate this matter, and I would appreciate an update on my complaint.

I look forward to hearing from you regarding this issue.

Yours sincerely etc etc,

Let's see if they bother to reply this time...

Moanin' Old Git part 1

2007-02-20T14:34:00.000Z

A few details have been amended for privacy...

Jane Roberts
Team Manager
AXA PPP Healthcare
Liverpool

23rd December 2006

Dear Ms Roberts,

RE: Policy no ***********

I am writing with regard to the above policy, in the name of my partner, Nicola; we would like to exercise Nicola’s right to cancel in accordance with the fourteen day “cooling-off” period.

I would also like to bring the following issues to your attention:

· Nicola has chronic and incurable epilepsy – she made this clear to the field representative who obtained her signature. Her illness means that she is unable to work and has no regular income.

· Nicola is already a member of a private healthcare plan – again, she made this quite clear at the time.

· Unbelievably, when Nicola was searching for details so that the representative could complete the paperwork, the field representative asked “if you can’t find your bank details, can’t you just ring your boyfriend or your Dad to get them?”

I spent some time working for a direct marketing company in north London, investigating complaints such as these. I am sure you would agree that it does not reflect well upon AXA PPP Healthcare if your representatives are signing up vulnerable members of society who are already part of a healthcare plan, and do not have the means to pay their premium; that is without mentioning the sheer audacity of suggesting that Nicola should ring somebody to obtain her bank details.

In light of the above, I would hope that you would cancel this arrangement, and investigate the matter – the field representative was Laura, agent ID CR**1. Laura approached Nicola in Somerfield in Beeston, Nottingham – I do not know exactly when as Laura has failed to date the “CashBack Contract”.

I look forward to hearing from you regarding this issue.

Yours sincerely etc etc,

Snow

2007-02-19T14:11:00.000Z

I have seen, heard and read various things about how people think the media over-reacted to the snow which we had about ten days ago.

Well, I beg to differ. In 2003, when there was severe weather causing London and much of the South-East to come to a standstill, the media were accused of being London-centric. I lived in London at the time, and I can assure you that there were vast sheets of ice on the road, and it was impossible to drive around, and difficult to walk around (I remember picking an old man off the ice - he wasn't unsteady on his feet, it was just difficult to stay on them!). So in my eyes, it was worth reporting, as the bad weather made a major city stand still.

Looking at BBC message boards and blogs, it seems that many people are saying, "it wasn't so bad", or alternatively, "we've got six inches up here in Scotland, our kids are still at school and we're not complaining". Well, I feel justified in issuing the following responses:

- Here in the West Midlands, it was that bad. Again, sheet ice on the roads and pavements, impossible to drive up hills, and my boss had to leave her car at work and walk for 90 minutes to get home (I am glad I wasn't at work on the Friday). We cancelled our housewarming party as it wouldn't have been safe to ask people to get to our house, nor to get home in the evening after it froze over again.

- In Scotland, you are used to it - you get a couple of reasonably heavy snowfalls a year, and you can deal with it better. We hadn't had snow this bad for several years. So people find it difficult to prepare, and they are also not used to driving on snow or ice. This is why Birmingham and Sandwell councils did the right thing by cancelling school - imagine all those part-time school runners slipping and sliding about on the ice in rush hour...

As it was, we took the opportunity to explore the parkland behind our new home, and found it to be a veritable winter wonderland.

Freedom of speech, freedom of the press

2007-01-26T20:12:00.000Z

Tom Reynolds, in his excellent blog, has made available the Powerpoint presentation of his presentation on blogging v the media.

This brings up an interesting example of how the press, supposedly regulated, and supposedly populated by individuals who have to undergo courses on ethics, can overstep the mark (I am trying to be diplomatic here).

Girl with a One Track Mind is a blog. I have to confess I haven't read it, in fact even if I was inclined to, I would worry as it contains some pretty explicit content, and anyone reading over my shoulder in the office would rightly be able to kick up a fuss!

The Sunday Times tried to identify "Abby Lee", the girl in question. They used tactics outlined in Tom's presentation, and that Abby herself has outlined in this post.

The heartening thing is that this case demonstrates the power of people in communities. One could argue that the "blogosphere" (like Tom, I hate that word!) is an artificial community, but in some ways it is much more organic than physical communities - people are brought together by shared interests, hence my virtual friendship with JD, a young man who is roughly my age, who shares with me the simultaneous joy and despair of commuting.

If you want proof of this, then simply type the name of Sunday Times journo "Nicholas Hellen" into Google. After his harassment of "Abby", bloggers all around kicked up such a fuss, and tagged the site. So now Nicholas Hellen's legacy is that the first link you see in Google is directly linking to "Abby"'s sexually explicit blog.

I really hope that next time he applies for a job, his prospective employers Google his name...

It's not just Jade

2007-01-26T20:10:00.000Z

From Popbitch:

Jade on Shilpa Shetty: "Shilpa Poppadom"

The Sun headline for Chinese snooker star
Ding Junghui: "Pot Noodle"

End of an era

2007-01-10T12:51:00.000Z

So here is the dramatic commuting news. Today is my last day as a full-on, 53-miles-to-work-and-53-back, commuter.

This weekend, we are upping sticks and moving. My daily commute will have reduced from two and a half hours a day, to about half an hour to get to and from work (45 minutes in rush hour). My daily mileage will reduce from 105 miles, to less than 12 miles a day.

The house in Nottingham is being rented out, I hope that my nuisance neighbour doesn't bother the tenants. We are renting a flat near to Sutton Coldfield. We have promised our families that we will still come back to Nottingham regularly (especially my girlfriend's grandmother, who is very upset that we are leaving, and to whom we have promised we will visit most weekends).

I didn't mind the driving. In fact I like driving. But I don't like sitting in traffic. And other drivers (particularly in Vectras, Passats, BMWs and a variety of 4x4s) tend not to be too considerate to Nissan Micras. I will gain at least two hours a day - that is effectively one day extra per week. I will be less frazzled, I will have a better quality of life, and my girlfriend will get to spend more time with me. I can start having hobbies again. I won't have to get up at 6am. And I will save thousands of pounds every year on fuel.

It will be strange. But I don't think I will miss it. I now hand the mantle of chief commuter over to JD...

Blood, Sweat and Tea

2007-01-09T16:47:00.000Z

I have recently purchased the compendium of Tom Reynold's excellent blog, "Random Acts of Reality". It is called "Blood, Sweat and Tea", and follows Tom's working life as an Emergency Medical Technician for the London Ambulance Service.

Tom's most recent post on his blog covers a really crucial issue - are there enough ambulances, and ambulance staff to go around? More to the point, is there any foundation to the lurid newspaper headlines, which suggest that people are dying because ambulance staff are being allowed lunch breaks?

I get very annoyed when I read this - I fully agree with Tom's point that the best way to reduce the burden on our emergency services is to teach them what is, and is not, appropriate for a 999 call. For instance, I felt justified in calling the police when a man started to climb through my bedroom window in the middle of the night (luckily he ran off and we were unharmed). However, it is perhaps less justifiable to call an ambulance for a cold, or for an injury sustained a couple of days ago (both of which are bugbears for Tom).

Anyway, the link to the blog has been on the right hand side of this page for some time now, and the book is available at a cheap price from Amazon.

It isn't easy being this beautiful

2007-01-04T15:41:00.000Z

It is both a blessing and a curse having inherited eyelashes from my Mum's side of the family. One the one hand, even though I am a boy, they sho' make me look pretty (is that my tongue in my cheek?). One the other hand, when I woke up yesterday morning, I had a pain in my eye. I had a look, expecting to find an eyelash in there (this is pretty common for me). But there was nothing there. But the pain was still there, so I had another look, pulling my eyelid as far out of the way as I could. There I saw the mother of all eyelashes, right in the corner. I slowly and painstakingly fished it out, and when I did I discovered that it was in fact two really thick eyelashes. Reeling from the shock of this, I realised that I still had an itch in the same eye, and found another eyelash on the other side. So three eyelashes in one eye all in one go - it must have been the first working day of the New Year...

Happy New Year to you all by the way. I had every intention of updating this blog while I was off work over Christmas, but decided to have a well-earned rest for a few days. The period over New Year is a little hazy; this is nothing to do with alcohol, but everything to do with a nasty virus that means I remember little of the weekend leading up to the turn of the year. I vaguely remember seeing a little New Year's TV but think I was fast asleep at midnight. I still felt pretty ropey on my return to work earlier this week, but seem to be doing better now.

Anyway, returning to the subject in hand, it meant that I haven't written much - on my lunchbreak today I managed to write a little on Baz's blog, and am now using my tea break to write this.

For the record, Santa brought me an Amazon voucher, a wireless mouse my laptop, and a couple of DVDs. My parents were away for Christmas, but they left me a little money, which I am sure will be spent wisely. Also, congratulations to my former class- and housemate at university, Ed Bowater, who has had his first novel published. I haven't spoken to Ed for some years now, but wish him all the best with his writing career.

For those of you on "commuter-watch" (hello JD!), please note that there will be some dramatic news coming up soon...

Happy New Year

2007-01-04T15:39:00.000Z

Sent to me by a colleague (apparently she got it from a GP's surgery):

Politically Correct Holiday Greetings

We wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting to our trusted neighbours but it is so difficult in today's world to know what to say without offending someone. So we met with out solicitor yesterday and on his advice we wish to say the following:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, jointly and severally our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter holiday, practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasions or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make out country great (not to imply that it is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishees.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher actually to implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or the issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishers.

Disclaimer: No trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced.

"Mistletoe ... can lead to unexpected pregnancy"

2006-12-20T15:39:00.000Z

Season's greetings! Here are some Health and Safety tips to help you enjoy your Christmas.

Now time for an advent calendar - I am sure many of you can relate to this:

Also, proof that turkeys do not vote for Christmas:

Before I go, just a quick request for you to listen to Richard Bacon, sitting in for Matthew Bannister, next Wednesday, 27th December, at around 10am, as I will be appearing on there as part of a discussion about neighbours (the people who live nearby, not the soap opera). Tune to Radio Five Live, 909 and 693 MW, or on the Internet via the BBC Radio Radio Player (you will also be able to listen again for a week afterwards).

No guarantees that I will be blogging again before Christmas, so I would like to wish all my readers (all three of you!) a very Merry one and a Happy New Year.

Parking in supermarket car parks

2006-12-12T15:46:00.000Z

I don't like my car getting dented by people who park to close in narrow car park spaces, open their doors and batter my car in the process.

However, I am even less fond of those who park in disabled spaces or parent and child spaces when they are able-bodied and childless. So someone came up with this, to stick to the windscreen of anyone who is suspected of using a disabled space when they shouldn't.

Funny how many of the people who struggle to park are those driving 4x4s. I almost got battered into submission in Sainsbury's car park by a woman driving a 4x4 pick-up truck. She came hurtling around the corner, and almost scraped the corner of my car off. Rather than apologising, she patiently waited for me to reverse slightly to let her through, which she proceeded to do without even a thank you.

Why the bloody hell do you need a 4x4 pick-up if you live in Beeston?

Advice for car owners

2006-12-11T14:57:00.000Z

This was forwarded around work today. I have no idea if it is true or not but I like to think of myself as a public service broadcaster...

UPDATE (20/12/06): Apparently this is a hoax!

Be aware of new car-jacking scheme.

You walk across the car park, unlock your car and get inside. Then you lock all your doors, start the engine and shift or put into reverse.

You look into the rear-view mirror to back out of your parking space and you notice a piece of paper stuck to the middle of the rear window.

So, you shift the gear stick back into park or neutral, unlock your doors and jump out of your car to remove that paper or whatever it is
that is obstructing your view. When you reach the back of your car that is when the car-jackers appear out of nowhere, jump into your car and take off!!

Your engine was running, you would have left your purse in the car and they practically mow you down as they speed off in your car.

BE AWARE OF THIS NEW SCHEME THAT IS NOW BEING USED IN LONDON/MANCHESTER MAKING ITS WAY ACROSS THE COUNTRY!!!!!!!!

Just drive away and remove the paper later! It is stuck to your window and be thankful that you read this email.

I hope you will forward this to friends and family especially to women! A purse contains all identification, and you certainly do NOT
want someone getting your home address. They already HAVE your keys!!!

JUST BE AWARE AND TAKE CARE IT WILL PROBABLY SOON ARRIVE IN YOUR AREA

Like pulling teeth

2006-12-11T14:54:00.000Z

If you want a stress-free life, just do not bother getting involved with the housing market. I am currently trying to rent out my house, this is after several months of the house being on the sales market (recently aborted).

The only conclusions I have come up with are:

- Renting is easier than buying, and although you don't have the assets to show for it, it is cheaper

- Estate agents are lazy, and very possibly liars

- Some days I wish I had never bought a house at all

Anyway, this explains my rather prolonged absence from the blogosphere, and accounts for the fact that I have nothing interesting to say at the moment...

The Killers

2006-11-28T13:43:00.000Z

I am stupuidly busy both at work and home at the moment, but couldn't resist taking a moment to describe how I definitely made the right decision in preferring to see Muse, rather than The Killers (although I couldn't have got Killers tickets even if I had wanted them).

The Killers' first album was not brilliant, but had some great moments. These were good because it was the sound of an American band paying homage to the great British bands of recent times, with added swirly keyboards. The new album is rubbish - they released the best song first, and "When you were young" is the standout track on the album. Second single "Bones" is OK at first listen, but becomes irritatingly cheesy.

The Killers' first album really grew on me, but I have no real desire to keep listening to the new one. Brandon's lack of signing ability is at times painful, even on the record (think early Stone Roses records, but without the attempts to lose the bum notes in a haze of reverb and harmonies) - don't get me started on his live performances...

Must do better next time...

The M6 is open!

2006-11-28T13:34:00.000Z

Regular commuters in the West Midlands may already be aware of this, but junction 6 of the M6 has re-opened. For the first time in about six months, it only took me an hour to get to work on Friday. Increasing my joy was the fact that I was able to leave early, and the journey home only took an hour as well. The least time I have spent commuting for a good six months or so.

However, normal service resumed yesterday morning. I needed to be at work by 8.30, so I left at 7am as usual. The first forty miles of the journey took about an hour (pretty standard). The last ten miles took ... an hour. I got to work at nine, and spent the rest of the day in a flap because I was late. It was definitely Monday...

New element in periodic table

2006-11-23T14:00:00.000Z

A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the densest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Bushcronium". Bushcronium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311.

These particles are held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

The symbol for Bushcronium is "W". Bushcronium's mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons in a Bushcronium molecule, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Bushcronium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." When catalyzed with money, Bushcronium activates Foxnewsium, an element that radiates orders of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since it has 1/2 as many peons but twice as many morons.

[Emailed to me by one of my work colleagues - she is from Kentucky]

Who ate all the pies?

2006-11-23T13:58:00.000Z

These guys did!

Shoulder pain

2006-11-22T11:10:00.000Z

I have a painful left shoulder and upper arm. As far as I am aware, I have not injured the joint or the muscle, I cannot think of any funny movements, knocks, scrapes, spasms etc.

The occasional complaint I do get in my left shoulder is tension. However, I have become better at managing this, through simple things such as getting enough sleep, drinking plenty of water and trying to eat well. These all have beneficial effects on one's physical, mental and emotional well-being.

But something occurred to me a couple of weeks ago - I borrowed my Mum's car for an afternoon, it has an armrest in the centre console, and I noticed the difference. I think the pain in my left arm might be tension, caused by having nowhere to rest my arm while driving my car. My right arm can rest on the door handle, but my left arm doesn't really have anywhere to go. I chose my car for reliability and because it is cheap to run (60 mpg on the motorway, almost 50 mpg even in town) - unfortunately it is not really designed for people driving 30 000 miles a year.

Still, I am making moves to reduce my commuting - watch this space...

Unveiled

2006-11-21T15:14:00.000Z

I don't want to get political about it, but I have always found the veil a curious thing. Mainly because I don't understand why it is OK for women wearing a veil to walk into a bank, but motorcyclists have to remove their helmets.

One of the oft-cited reasons for women wearing the veil is that it is their way of demonstrating their modesty and self-respect as part of their devotion to God. It is a similar sort of reasoning behind people covering their head (which I believe is called the niqab).

This is what made it more surprising to see two young people in the car park at work snogging and pawing at each other. Both were young people of Asian origin, I would have guessed from the man's features that he might have been a Pakistani Muslim (at least in origin). I couldn't see the girl very well due to her headscarf.

I have never seen this before. I try not to judge (I find snogging in public fairly distasteful most of the time), but it just struck me as a little ironic - modesty v. snogging your boyfriend in public...

Off-topic: Yesterday's post was my hundredth since I started this blog!